leading up to it, full of icy silences and misunderstandings; we’d been separated emotionally for a lot longer than that when the divorce had been finalized.
But that didn’t make the aftermath any easier. Because raising Giuliana alone was hard. So, so hard.
So the last thing I needed was Mason ragging on me to try and hook up with someone. I was just trying to do my best for my daughter, and he needed to respect that. I hoped that if I didn’t respond, he’d let it drop, but of course my luck wasn’t that good. As I opened the driver’s side door, Mason stopped me.
“Gordo,” Mason said, his tone gentle and patronizing. “Just because you have it in your head that you need to go at this alone doesn’t make it true. Or a good idea. If you keep this up, you’re going to crumble from the weight of carrying all of it on your shoulders. I don’t want to see you end up like dad, sad and bitter and lonely.”
It would have been better if he’d just punched me in the gut. My stomach rocked, twisting at the truth in Mason’s words and my own simultaneous refusal to believe them.
“That’s a screwed-up thing to say, Mason.” I slid into my seat and buckled in before he could say more. Anger flared like fireworks inside of me, and I rolled down my window and pinned him with my stare. “You’re an asshole.”
Feeling far from satisfied, I pulled out of the driveway before Mason could say anything else and headed home. My knuckles were white from gripping the wheel.
Mason had no right to invoke our father. My dad was the only person in my entire family who’d disowned me when I came out as gay. I supposed that I should have been thrilled that he was alone in his adamant refusal to accept me, but all it did was make my heart sick. The one person I wanted validation from the most was the person who refused to speak to me.
I knew from Mason that dad was getting particularly bitter about it. My mom—who was fully supportive of me—had stayed with dad, but I knew things were strained between them over it. I was even pretty sure they’d started rocking the separate beds, Fred and Wilma Flintstone-style. And dad was effectively a single old man who only had a connection to one of his two sons.
My parents lived three and a half hours away. Too far for my mom to be able to come help with my daughter, but not so far away that she couldn’t come visit occasionally. But dad? He could have more, including a relationship with his granddaughter, if he’d just stop being so stubborn, I thought as I pulled into the driveway, braking a bit too hard.
Giuliana wailed her surprise at the sudden stop, and it pierced my chest like a lance. She kept fussing, likely hungry after her nap and maybe even wet. Jesus, it seemed like lately I couldn’t get anything right.
As I pulled Giuliana out of her car seat, whisper-begging her forgiveness for my carelessness, Javi came out of his house. Because of course he did—my life felt as if it were becoming a sitcom, and I was the butt of every joke.
Javi was purposefully not looking in my direction. I could just pretend to be wrapped up in my daughter and wait to talk about last night, but on the other hand, holding Giuliana close gave me strength and provided a much-needed buffer between Javi and me. The fact was I probably wasn’t going to get a better opportunity than this.
“Hey, Javi,” I called out, unsure of how casual to sound. Was I allowed to sound casual after drunkenly vomiting on someone? “Could I talk to you for a minute?”
Dressed in black jeans that clung like a second skin and a t-shirt that managed to slink over every muscle, Javi shuffled over, looking a little apprehensive.
“Don’t be nervous,” I said, despite the fact that nerves had my stomach feeling as if an animal were trying to claw its way out of me. “I just wanted to say sorry for making a colossal ass of myself last night. I definitely owe you dry cleaning and some new shoes. Just let me know how much, and I can write you a check.”
Javi bit his lip, the morning sunlight highlighted the red blush of his mouth, catching my attention immediately. “D...d-don’t worry about it.”