A Cut so Deep - Dani Rene Page 0,24
that if I asked her to, she’d drop to her knees in front of me. But it doesn’t offer the allure that it used to, so I take a long gulp of bourbon instead.
“I just don’t like seeing you like this.”
“Like what?”
“Broken.”
I consider her words. I don’t feel broken at all, perhaps more frustrated. And not only sexually, deep down, I know that being around Nesrin does something to me. Something I never thought I would feel—at ease with myself.
“You’re torn,” Gen muses, before pulling in a lungful of smoke and keeping it there for a while until she blows rings into the dark night.
“I am.” My admission should be a shock to me, but it’s not. I knew it the moment I sat in the car with Nesrin. I was rocked by the intrigue she presented, and each time Finn or Cass asked her something, and she offered an answer, I found myself wanting to know as well.
“Perhaps you should ask her on a date,” Gen teases, then giggles beside me, because everyone knows I’m definitely not the dating kind. I don’t even spend the night if I’m with a woman. Being so close to someone will only hurt you in the end. It happened to my father, and it will happen again. I’ve seen lives torn apart, worlds shattered, just because people fell in love. They opened themselves up to it and then got smashed in the process.
“Why are you here, anyway?” I ask into the night. Even though this is my hiding spot, Gen is one of the only women I’ve ever been with who knows about it. Cass and Finn found me here once, so drunk, I had passed out. My father was looking for me all night, well into the day, and when my brothers found me, they thought it was funny. Finn’s too young to remember the fights that ensued in the manor; Cass probably remembers the night our mother left, but I doubt he can recall the times I would sit up on the landing and listen to their screams.
“Wanted to see you. I heard you’re back.”
“Finn’s an asshole.”
“He didn’t tell me. I overheard the girls talking,” Gen says. I know there are a few girls who my brothers know well and keep around when they need to let off some steam. “The Black Knights were talking about you as well.”
“Fuck them,” I bite out, clenching my jaw so tight, I feel the ache in my cheeks. I gulp down another mouthful of alcohol before I hand the bottle to Gen.
“They want you back,” she tells me. I know they do. They’ve been pandering around like lost sheep since I walked, but I’m not going back to that life. It’s nothing I need. Especially now that I have a sister who’s fucking with my head.
“I’m not walking backward in my life. Not anymore,” I tell her, hoping she’ll take the news to them. I know they’ll be at the party we’re having, and I don’t doubt they’ll force the issue of me joining back up, but it’s not happening.
Kids in this town have always tried to find new ways to keep themselves entertained, and the Havens were well-known for the dangerous games. But I’m done playing them. I am all grown up and no longer want to get into the shit they do.
“Does this have anything to do with the girl?” Gen asks, the challenge in her tone mingled with curiosity is clear. I know she’ll go back to them and give them all the information she’s gleaned from me. I shouldn’t have spoken about Nesrin, but I can’t help it. I have nobody in my life I can confide in. Loneliness is a motherfucker, and it sneaks up on you when you least expect it.
You can be in a room full of people and, yet, feel more alone than ever before. My mind flits back to Nesrin, and what she said about love earlier.
“No. It has to do with me, Gen.” I turn to Genevieve, pinning her with a stare that’s fierce and confident. “Did you come here to ask me shit, so you can tell them all you’ve learned? Or did you come here because you wanted to get back in my bed?”
“Why are you such an asshole, Damien?” Gen bites back, her eyes glower with fury as she stares at me. Her long reddish-brown hair hangs to the middle of her back. The deep green of her eyes is black