Curvy Girls Can't Date Cowboys - Kelsie Stelting Page 0,79

rang so long I thought he would let me go to voicemail.

But then his voice came over the phone, and it destroyed me.

“Hello?” he said. His voice rumbled in a low, guarded tone.

“Hi,” I breathed. It felt so good to hear him on the phone, but painful at the same time. I hoped I could keep it together long enough to make my point.

“What’s going on, Ginger?” he asked.

My name on his lips... I wiped at my eyes. “I miss you.”

For a long while, the phone was silent. I was afraid he’d hung up, but the seconds kept ticking on.

He swore low. “I miss you too.”

But why did that sound like an indictment more than anything else? Shouldn’t those four words have buoyed me to new heights instead of sending me spiraling further down?

“I don’t want to be strangers again. Or enemies,” I whispered. I didn’t know why I was whispering. Maybe because my feelings had gotten out of the box again, and now I knew they were strong enough to break free of any lock. To break my heart.

“We’ll never be strangers,” he said, his voice gruff. “I’ll always care for you. But that’s exactly why I can’t be with you.”

“That doesn’t make sense,” I argued, fighting panic from my voice. This wasn’t how I wanted the call to go. “If you cared for me, you’d want to be with me, right?”

“Not at the cost of your life.”

“I didn’t die!” I cried, panic winning over. “I know you’re worried I’ll end up like your dad, but—”

“Stop,” he said, his voice harsh. “You think you live in some movie where you can edit the scenes and come out of hardships with a happy ending and some upbeat music, but that’s not reality, Ginger. My dad’s still gone. My mom’s still alone. My siblings still don’t have a father. None of us can stand to get close to you and then lose you too.”

The pieces of my heart broke free, pricking the inside of my chest. “You’re just afraid.”

“I’m not afraid,” he said, “I’m terrified. I couldn’t survive losing you. None of us could.”

My vision blurred, filled with angry tears. “You’re losing me now. How is that different?”

“Because you’re alive, because I know when you’re done being mad at me, you’ll be you. You’ll find a man who can give you his whole heart. Who will love you without being afraid every damn second of the day that they’ll have to watch you die. And you’ll forget you ever fell for a coward like me.”

Anger and hurt swirled within me, forming a bitter combination. “But what about what I want? I don’t want another man. I want you.”

“You’re asking me to give you something I just don’t have.” Regret and hurt filled his voice but it was only a pale comparison to the pain I felt splitting my chest.

I hit the end button, rolled over into my pillow, and cried until every part of me hurt.

The door creaked open, but I didn’t bother looking up. This wasn’t the kind of crying you could stop—it was the kind that consumed you until there was nothing left except a hollow ache. As the tears consumed me, so did the blackness of sleep.

Fifty-Six

I woke on Monday morning with an aching chest and burning eyes. I’d never felt any pain like this—like my heart was being peeled from my body with a grapefruit spoon. Now that I knew what heartbreak was, I wished I’d never decided to go to Ray’s house at all. That I’d accepted the zero and moved on. I might have been on lockdown from my parents for the rest of my life, but at least I wouldn’t feel like this.

Cori’s soft snores sounded across the room, and I checked the alarm clock. It would be going off in a few minutes. My body was ready for the day, even if my mind and heart were not. Would seeing Ray after the call help me find closure or just hurt more? I’d find out soon because there was no way my parents would let me stay home.

I peeled the blanket off and realized Cori must have covered me up before going to bed herself. I didn’t know what I’d done to deserve such an amazing sister, but I was beyond thankful for her.

I paused in the doorway and managed a trembling smile before continuing toward the den to start my breathing treatment. After pushing the start button, I looked up and found