A Crown Of Fire And Wrath (The Shadow Walkers Saga #5) - Sloane Murphy Page 0,64
anything yet, and I almost want to delay that so I don’t have to tell him everything.
I pull on some thick, fuzzy socks, because they make me feel so comforted, and pull on a big knit cardigan, wrapping it around myself before heading back out to my room to face him.
“Levi…” I start as I walk back into the room, but my mouth dries up. He’s in jeans and a black t-shirt, freshly showered himself. I didn’t pay much attention when I ran into my closet. How the fuck am I meant to even start this conversation?
“Let’s start with where you went. I’m assuming from your entrance, and your… show, that you went to Morgan?” I nod as I sit in the almost never used chair in the corner of the room.
“I couldn’t face you guys,” I say quietly as I stare into my lap.
“What happened?” he asks patiently. There’s shuffling as he comes to stand before me. His feet appear in my line of sight first, until he squats down and lifts my chin with his finger.
“I remembered… the thing that I had blocked. And...” My voice catches as the memory washes over me again, and guilt consumes me.
Fuck.
I have no idea how to tell him.
He stands and leans forward, scooping me up into his arms, and then moves us to the bed, so I’m cradled against him. I don’t deserve this comfort, but I stay where I am, too selfish to move.
A tear spills down my cheek as I open my mouth to speak. “I was pregnant. So, very, very long ago. There was a night, when we were here, during the war, and Nevin and I went to scout out the higher demon’s camp. I was stupid and careless. I lost him. Our baby. It’s all my fault.”
He holds me tight, even as I rush the words out between sobs, and I feel his shoulders shake as he buries his face in my neck.
“We were going to have a son?” he asks, his voice hoarse, and I nod. His grief is painted all over his face. I’m not sure he even knows that he’s crying as he holds me against him.
“We were discovered, and we were trying to escape.”
“I remember,” he says with a shudder. “You took a spear to the stomach. Nevin said you saved his life. It was laced with venom, that he wouldn’t have survived, but he’s not a Shadow Walker.”
“I didn’t know that, but yes. The spear took our son’s life instead. I was foolish. Reckless. I should never have even gone.” The words are like ash on my tongue, and my stomach rolls as guilt threatens to overwhelm me once again.
“It wasn’t your fault Remy. I wish you would have told me. We could have mourned him together. I remember you were a mess for weeks, but we put it down to the effects of the poison. I am so sorry you went through that, through all of this, alone.”
“You’re not mad?” I ask, shocked.
“Of course I’m not mad. I’m fucking devastated, but I’m not mad. At least, not at what you think. I’m mad you didn’t tell me, and that you ran, but it’s not your fault it happened, Remy.” I cry even harder at his words, I didn’t realize how much I needed to hear them from him. He holds me and we cry together, mourning the loss neither of us got the chance to know about before now.
I don’t know how long we sit there, but he holds me until the tears stop and lays us down with him holding me from behind. I feel a small semblance of peace having told him, but despite his words, the guilt still lays heavily on me.
He strokes my hair as we lay in silence, and I slowly let the world slip away.
I wake up in the same position I fell asleep in. Fully clothed and wrapped in Levi’s arms. I feel at peace for a second before I remember everything. The guilt washes over me again until Levi’s arms tighten around me, his silent comfort and support mean more than I can put into words.
“Morning, Angel,” he says, his voice thick with sleep. I turn in his arms, and put my hand on his cheek as I look into his eyes, searching for any hidden resentment. Nothing but love shines out of those stormy eyes as he meets my gaze.
“Hi,” I say quietly, as I stroke his cheek with my thumb.