I fished out my passport and held it open on the photo page. 'He's expecting me at eight thirty. What's his name again?'
She gave me another of her sad looks as she hit some keys. I signed in the two marked boxes in the ledger and passed it back under the window.
With the phone still to her ear, she tore my signed strip from the ledger and folded it into a small plastic holder with a blue ribbon to go round my neck. She pushed it under the glass. The badge was blue too, and said, 'Escorted Everywhere'.
She put down the receiver. 'Wait over there. Someone will be along to collect you.'
I tried to get a smile out of her and held up the pass at the window. 'That's good. I'd only get lost.'
It wasn't going to happen. I wandered over to a backless black leather settee with chrome legs.
The doors of the security pods opened and closed as they chomped their way through the queue. A young clerk appeared, dressed in a black suit, checked shirt and a tie with a knot that was far too big for the collar. He had the kind of madly enthusiastic smile they normally only teach you at estate-agent school. He held out a hand. 'Mr Stone?'
I stood up and followed suit.
'If you'd like to go through that glass door to your right, I'll meet you on the other side.'
I nodded at the X-ray machine and held up my bomber. 'You want this in there?'
'No, the room will detect anything.'
A female guard buzzed the door open. A sign on the wall opposite told me to stand still until instructed to move. I couldn't hear any machinery or sucking sounds as the atmosphere was extracted to check for weapons or explosives residue, but I was sure it was happening.
The clerk appeared at the other side of the glass exit. The door clicked open.
The walk to the lifts took us over ivory marble floors, past grey slate walls. No wonder the building had come in at twice the estimate.
We whooshed upwards.
'Which floor we going to?'
'Fifth.'
It would have been pointless asking him more. Even if he'd known the answers he wouldn't have told me.
We stepped out into a world of grey carpet tiles and white-emulsioned walls. I felt conned, like when a hotel invests in a big makeover down in Reception but as soon as you get upstairs it's all shite – and tough, you've already checked in.
We set off down a bare corridor. There were no names on the doors, only acronyms I didn't understand. The armed services are fanatical about the fucking things, and the Firm had fallen into step. Even when I was in the Regiment and working here, I'd only been able to remember up to the three-letter ones.
Vauxhall Cross was a category-A post, which meant that, like Beijing, Moscow and other major stations abroad, it had an HPT (high potential threat) from terrorism and sophisticated HIS (hostile intelligence services). Operatives from the TSD (technical services department) in Milton Keynes ensured that the building was protected from HTA (high-tech attack).
The triple glazing didn't have anything to do with the government's new green policy. It was a safeguard against laser and radio-frequency flooding techniques as every HIS and his dog tried to hear what you were talking about. There were even techniques now to read the radiation from computer and photocopying machines, so every bit of machinery in the building was specially shielded. If anyone got on a boat and spent the day bobbing up and down on the Thames pointing technical stuff at the decapitated pyramid, they'd be wasting their fare.
The corridor opened up left and right into open-plan offices. Men and women bent over computer screens, processing information, collating, whatever the fuck they did to support the five hundred officers running round overseas. There was little noise apart from the air-conditioning and the rustle of deli bags as people weakened.
We came to an office at the far end. No acronym on this door. The clerk took me straight in without knocking. 'He'll be with you soon.'
I walked into what looked like a solicitor's office. There was a round, beech-veneer IKEA table, with a telephone in the middle, and matching chairs with leatherette seats.
At the far side of the large room was a desk. I wandered over to have a look at the framed pictures among the files by the PC monitor. They were of the Yes Man and his loving