Crazy In Love (Secrets of Suburbia #3) - Ivy Smoak Page 0,34
I scrambled off his lap. "All of that about Sophia? Dr. Collins? The money? Was any of that true?" My voice cracked.
"What did you expect me to do? You're demanding answers and I don't remember! I told you that. All I know is that I wouldn't cheat on you." His chair jumped forward as he struggled against the ropes. "I wouldn't. Not on you. Ever."
"You don't know that."
"You're a fucking goddess. And I'm not an idiot. I'd worship your body. I'd give you everything you ever wanted."
Except a baby. I turned away from him. I felt cheap. And used. I'd believed his lies. Willingly. Just like I'd believed the lies for years. He did love maple syrup and hockey. He liked women who couldn't pronounce "about" correctly. He cheated on me. And I was done listening. "Snuggle Muffins. Come." I walked over to the stairs and my dog came running to join me.
"Obviously I want you. Didn't you feel how much I wanted you?"
I did. In his kiss. I felt him beneath me. But it was all a lie. He didn't know me. He was just manipulating me. Again. I was seconds away from falling apart. I'd grown accustomed to being used over the past several months. It had somehow become part of our love story. He'd ruined us. But looking him directly in the eyes and hearing the lies? I didn't have to put up with that. I was stronger now. The love story I held on a pedestal had burned to the ground. But Noah had been the one holding the match. He'd ruined us. He'd ruined me.
"Stay," he said. "I'll tell you everything I do know. About my childhood. About college. It's only the last several years that are fuzzy. Please, just stay and talk. Remind me of who you are. What we are. Because I know it's a story for the ages."
My hand paused on the railing. I wanted to stay and talk. When I'd been looking at our wedding album, part of me hated him. But the other part? It felt like I had a second chance to do things right. Who was lucky enough to ever get a second chance?
"Please," he said. "Stay."
But in the past few days I'd had another second chance too. Another chance at living my life. I'd proved to myself that I wasn't nothing without him. I didn't need a him. Not anymore. And besides, I already knew his fucking story.
I walked back over to him. For a second I just stared down at him. But just for a second. I pulled the gag back in place and turned away. "Goodnight, Noah."
Chapter 12
Saturday
For the second night in a row, I couldn't fall asleep. I stared at the ceiling instead of trying to count sheep. I'm single and loving it. I'm single and loving it. I'm single and loving it. I kept repeating the mantra over and over again in my head. But I couldn't convince my head when I knew it wasn't true. All I wanted to do was run back downstairs to Noah. To straddle him. To untie him and see what sinful things he wanted to do to my body.
I glanced over at the empty spot in the bed beside me. It was still perfectly made. Maybe I wasn't scared of the darkness swallowing me whole. My fingers traced the spot where my husband always slept. Maybe I just didn't know how to sleep without him next to me. Noah's spot felt so cold and empty. Especially since I could so easily fill it back up. He'd asked to be tied to my bed instead of a chair. I could switch things up...Stop.
A part of me wanted to go into the basement. I could grab a few pillows and my comforter and make a pretty comfortable nest beside him. Would that help me fall asleep? Just being that close to him? Smelling his cologne? Hearing his light snores? Knowing that I wasn't alone?
I'd walked away from him for a reason tonight. I could have taken things further. But I was trying to get a fresh start. Not stumble right back into his lap. Literally.
But the bed was so cold without him.
Snuggle Muffins whimpered.
I leaned over the edge of the bed and stared down at him.
He was sitting at the base of my bed, staring back.
"Go to your dog bed." I pointed to where I'd put it in the corner.