Some shouts sound out, and I look over at the football game going on just in time to see a male vamp throw a football right in the face of an ogre. The ogre’s nose smashes even flatter against his face, and black blood immediately starts gushing out. He bellows in pain, and the vamp just barely misses getting splattered with ogre blood. Yuck. That shit smells like cat piss, and once it touches you, it takes weeks to get the scent out.
The yard breaks out into chaos, like someone just flipped a war switch into the on position. I clap with glee. I was hoping my fight with the wolf shifter in the cafeteria during my first day was going to be a prison brawl, but he got collared too fast for it to really count. I love running with Zen, but the downside is no one includes me in their fights. That’d be fine if I hadn’t already written prison brawl on my bucket list, but everyone knows once something is on the list, it can’t come off until it’s been accomplished.
“Oh my gosh, Joe, look how fun!”
I point at the massive fight that’s growing by the second and start hurrying right into the heart of it. I take note of where the ogres are battling and arc away from it because...no thank you cat-piss blood. A kitsune snarls at me as I join the fun, but I just boop it on the nose before introducing it to my right hook. I coo as the split tail fox shifter gets all wobbly and goes down embarrassingly fast.
I shake my head and tsk at it. “Not the hot shit you thought you were, huh? I like your tails though,” I tell the unconscious shifter as I dart off.
Someone plucks a fairy out of the air and throws it at me. I catch him before he can slam into an ice wall that someone has conjured. “There you go, little Tinkerbell,” I tell him sweetly as I help him straighten up and get his bearings.
“Shove that Tinkerbell shit up your ass, you dirty cunt!” the fairy yells at me. Out of nowhere, it conjures up a toothpick-sized sword and slashes at me.
“What the fuck?” I exclaim as I jump back, just barely avoiding an eye-gouging.
“I’ll fuck your nostrils with my fairy cock and have you sneezing my cum for weeks,” he threatens, and I reel at the little shit’s nastiness—that’s a visual I really could have done without.
My hand flies up to my nose to protect my vulnerable nostrils. I start dodging toothpick sword attacks, all while the fairy hurls insults and threats at me with each parry. I’m not sure if I want to laugh, run screaming, or take notes at the foul shit coming out of the little guy’s mouth.
“Did your Cheeto dad fuck a lemon? Is that why your hair is so ugly? Or is the yellow just making a run for it so it can escape your dumb bitch brain?” he sneers, flying in front of my face as he tries to stab my hand.
“Hey!” I yell at the winged pest, drawing the line. “It’s fucking citrus ombré, you ignorant twat, and you wish your hair was this hot!”
With that, I shift my hand into talons and flick the little mosquito from hell away. The fairy gives a very un-tough girl scream as he goes flying through the air and smashes into a wall. The sound restores my good mood.
Who knew fairies were such angry little assholes? Tiny dick syndrome is in full effect with that one.
The shouting and fighting from the other inmates all over the yard snaps me back to attention, but I get knocked sideways when someone slams into me. Righting myself, I turn with renewed excitement, ready to join the fray.
Guards are starting to gather just as a fireball goes screaming through the crowd, and people leap and dive out of the way. It explodes against the outside wall of the prison and singes the concrete as it dies out. Another fireball gets thrown, and I look over to find a fae duo blowing them out like bubbles at a kid’s party. Looks like the fae came to play!
I turn back around just in time to watch a big meaty fist come right for my face.
Well, this isn’t going to feel good.
I take the hit, releasing a small grunt as the fist knocks into my cheek. Serves me right for taking my