When Courtney returned, she set the mugs on the table. Their salads were gone and the Red Cross had been thoroughly discussed. It had been fun. Now they were having some more coffee and chatting before returning home. Gently, Courtney reached out and held Claire’s hand. Suddenly, Claire felt uneasy. With as much practice as she had maintaining eye contact in difficult situations, she looked away from her friend. Courtney’s pale blue eyes showed too much concern. “I am so glad you have agreed to help me.” She spoke softly and slowly.
Claire’s uneasiness made her want to pull her hand away. Instead, she smiled. “I am happy that I can help you and others.”
“Claire, you don’t need to be perfect all the time. You don’t need to say everything perfectly, look perfect, and be perfect. Life isn’t a test that you must continually pass.” Claire stared silently at her friend, afraid her voice might crack. The energy of the room evaporated. “I just want you to know that Brent and I have known Tony for a long time . . .” Claire swallowed. She heard this speech from everyone who knew her husband and had entitled it the Great Man Speech, usually accompanied by the He works so hard. “And he can be a pompous, condescending, controlling ass.”
Claire’s eyes grew wide and her head dropped. She didn’t cry. She laughed, suddenly and uncontrollably, bordering on hysteria. It wasn’t good for appearances. Apparently, her laughter was contagious because Courtney started laughing too. People looked at them. Fleetingly, Claire didn’t care. After a few moments, she regained enough composure to ask, “Excuse me? What did you just say?”
“Honey, you heard me. And I am pretty sure you know exactly what I said.” Courtney squeezed Claire’s hand again. “Don’t get me wrong, I love your husband. But let me be honest, sometimes I hate him too.” Claire nodded. She completely understood. “It’s all right. But it’s not all right for you to feel alone.” Claire listened. “Your husband loves you. I see it in his eyes when he looks at you. I’ve never seen him look at another woman the way he looks at you. But he has demons, ones I don’t even begin to understand. And he has serious issues with control. He can drive Brent crazy sometimes.”
“Courtney, I think maybe we shouldn’t be having this conversation.” Claire’s uneasiness returned.
“Tony would say we shouldn’t be having this conversation. What do you say?”
Claire didn’t know what to say. Part of her wanted the conversation to end, it made her uncomfortable. The other part of her wanted to talk, open up, and feel connected to someone in this world besides Tony. “I think maybe it would be better not to speak about Tony.”
“All right, Claire, I respect you. I respect you for marrying Tony and for your inability to talk.” Claire tried desperately to maintain her mask. “I have tried my very best to make you comfortable. I want you to feel relaxed with me.”
“I do Courtney. I consider you my friend.”
“Honey, I am your friend. You are my friend. And Tony is a dear friend too. But that doesn’t mean I don’t worry about you.”
“Thank you, but you don’t need to worry about me. I’m fine.”
“Yeah, I recognize fine. And sometimes when you are with us, you are fine. Other times you only seem fine.” Claire didn’t know what to say. “It must be difficult to suddenly be thrust into Tony’s world. He puts a lot of significance on appearances. Well, maybe he hasn’t mentioned that to you.” Courtney started to stand to leave.
Tears started to escape down Claire’s cheeks. Her voice barely an audible whisper, “Courtney, please sit back down.” Courtney did. “If Tony knew we were having this conversation, I wouldn’t be able to have lunch with you again, and perhaps it could affect Brent’s job. I know they’re best friends, but with Tony I’m not sure there are boundaries.” Courtney was at least twenty years Claire’s senior, yet she listened, recognizing the sincerity of the younger woman’s tone.
“So my intuitions aren’t unwarranted.” Claire shook her head no. Courtney spoke softly. “Claire, are you all right?”
“Courtney, I think we need to go back to your SUV. I’m uncomfortable having this conversation and I’m definitely uncomfortable having it in a public place.”
They stood, put on their warm coats, gathered their purses, and walked to Courtney’s SUV. The break in the conversation and fresh cool air gave