Confessions from the Quilting Circle - Maisey Yates Page 0,132

talking with my family. And I realized something. All I ever wanted was to be safe. I thought that getting married young, keeping my life, myself, my dreams here, would keep me safe.”

“But it didn’t,” he said.

“No. It didn’t.” She sighed. “I’m not the same woman that I was when I married Jacob. I’m not the same woman that I was all those years during our marriage. When we had to face worrying diagnoses becoming awful prognoses. When our roles shifted and I had to begin to care for him. I’m not the same woman I was at the beginning of that. I’m not even the same woman that I was when I had to face the fact that he was dying. ‘Safe’ was out of the question at that point. But I was going to lose him so much sooner than I thought. And I thought that I had a realistic worldview, a pretty clear-eyed vision of the truth that he and I wouldn’t grow old together. But it still hit so much sooner. So much faster. And I realize now that I would never have been ready. I’m not the same woman I was the day of the funeral. I’ve changed. When you go through something like that you don’t worry about little things. And then you quit worrying about bigger things. Like what you want, because all you focus on is what needs to be done. It’s been scary for me to deal with what I want. Because it’s so different than I imagined it might be. Because on some level it has felt like a betrayal of him. To admit that there is joy in having those pieces of myself back again. To admit that another man has captured my heart, and in a way that I didn’t expect.

“But my heart is scarred, battle-scarred. And that requires a specific kind of love. And I think...as difficult as it is to think this, or try and work it out, I think that in some ways meeting you was me being prepared for what would come next. I saw what kind of man you were during that time. You did take care of me. Even then. And it was easy for me to think that I didn’t know you because we never talked about our lives. But I did. I knew you based on how you treated me. Every interaction we had, you made it about me. About making me feel good, without making me feel pitied, and no one else ever managed that, Adam.”

She blinked, her heart swollen. “I think I’m falling in love with you. And I didn’t want to. I never wanted to fall in love again. It scares me, to want more. Because what I’ve done is keep my head down and grimly accept that certain kind of pain I was living in. Wanting something new, wanting something more... I’ve always been afraid to want too much, Adam, and I’m afraid this is too much. That you’re the right man, but it is the...wrong time.”

“You don’t have to do anything but be with me,” he said. “Because I do love you, Rachel. I’m already in love. And I’ll wait. As slow as you want to take it. Until the time is right. Because if I’m right for you, knowing that... I can wait.”

“I don’t want to take it slow. It sounds crazy, but honestly... I loved Jacob so much. I loved that marriage that we had so much, and for a while, I loved the idea of being free. But...love was never prison. I know it isn’t. Sharing your life with someone might be work sometimes, but it’s the best work. And that is the future that I want for myself. But not just with anyone. With you.”

“I’m a big enough man that I can take you on, and your past. If you can take on mine.”

“Yes,” she said. “Absolutely.”

“I’m coming to you pretty scarred. This has been a rough few years, and I’ve got things left to work through myself. Because I can’t stop until I fix the relationship with Callie and Jack.”

“Good. I think if we add our shattered dreams into one pile, we can work on fixing them. Together.”

“Only if we can do it while we watch sports.”

She huffed out a laugh, and she closed the space between them, wrapping her arms around him, and just holding him.

They hadn’t made vows, not yet, but she was pretty confident that they would.