She seemed taken aback by the change in subject, but she didn’t protest. “There are already fresh towels in there. Let me know if you need anything.” She drifted away to give me privacy.
I got under the warm water and let the day’s travel wash away. The smell of her shampoo and soaps was identical to her scent. I admired her loofa, the bar of soap she used on her perfect body, and even the razor she used to shave her sexy legs. To anyone else, they were just items that sat in the shower. But to me, they reminded me of what I lost. I used to see these things every day of my life. They were a part of marital bliss, sharing my space with hers.
Now all those things were gone.
My shower consisted of shampoo and body wash. That was it. Back to a simple bachelor life.
I took the longest shower of my life, letting the warm water drip down my body and wash away the stress and pain. When I returned to the bedroom, the most beautiful woman in the world would be waiting for me. But it was just a mirage, an oasis in a desert. It wasn’t real. It was temporary. Everything that would happen at night would quickly turn to old memories.
Maybe I should tell her how hard this was for me…so she would let me leave.
But I didn’t want to go either.
After my shower, I stepped out of the bathroom in a new pair of boxers. Sofia was in bed, reading a book on her large stomach. She was in a nightgown with her makeup gone. It was just the way it used to be…like we were married again.
There was a small table near her balcony doors, and on the surface was a plate of dinner along with a small vase of flowers. The food was covered with clear plastic, and the steam from the food was fogging the covering. It was chicken with rice and vegetables, probably her mother’s cooking, but touching nonetheless.
Fuck, I missed being married.
Even though I wasn’t that hungry, I sat at the table and ate the food she’d placed there for me. I should look out the window and admire the view, but my eyes kept shifting to the woman in bed. To any other man, she was just some pregnant woman reading a book. But to me, she was the most desirable woman on the planet. From her dark hair to her beautiful fair skin, she was perfect. She had a faint glow that radiated from the boy inside of her. Her full lips were softer than a cloud, and they fit in her perfect face like God put them there himself. I absentmindedly ate my food while I studied every single aspect of her face, committing it to memory as if I didn’t already have a million pictures of her on my phone, pictures that I stared at in my darkest hours. I could be sitting in the back seat of a car waiting for our enemies to arrive, and my phone would be pulled out with my favorite picture on the screen. The sight of her face gave me a reason to keep going…even if she would never be mine again.
She must have finally noticed my stare, because she turned my way.
Ordinarily, I wouldn’t have averted my gaze because I didn’t give a shit if I was caught. But now, it seemed inappropriate, to stare at her like a man stupidly in love with his woman. She wasn’t mine anymore…and she wouldn’t be again.
She set her book on her lap. “How’s your dinner?”
I finished chewing before I answered. “Good.” I couldn’t really taste the food because I wasn’t paying attention. I never appreciated my meals anyway, because they were flooded with scotch.
“My mom’s not a bad cook, huh?”
I shrugged. “She won’t take Helena’s job, but she’s good.”
Sofia chuckled. “I miss that woman. My mom tried to cook like her…doesn’t work.”
“You want her?”
Sofia’s eyebrows rose off her face. “What?” she asked with a laugh.
“Well, you can have her if you want her.” Sofia could have anything that she wanted.
“I’d love that, but she’s yours. I’ll find my own Helena.”
We’d been divorced for months, but comments like that still killed me. Still ripped open old wounds. My hand ached like I’d just gripped a pen too tightly and signed our divorce papers. My heart bled the same as the night she told me she was going