Nothing was guaranteed, but I was sure as fuck going to try. “Think about what I said, Sophie.” She didn’t stop me from leaving.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Della
Professor Ambrose accepted the coffee from the cashier with her typical wide smile stretched across her face, thanking the young man before turning to me as we scoped out the café for a free table. I hadn’t been to the small brick establishment, but Ambrose said it was her favorite place to go.
“I’m hoping this meeting means good news, Della. I’ve been asked a few times if the new model had given her answer yet.”
The word model in relation to me almost had me laughing. Almost. Mostly, I’d wanted to cringe. My art always reflected the conventions of beauty that often weren’t seen in the public eye as traditional. The kinds of men and women that were fuller figured, too skinny, scarred, and rarely flawless. I’d wanted my work to be realistic, not some fantasy I was trying to escape into, even if I found art to be just that—a step out of my own life and into somebody else’s.
Once we sat tucked into the farthest corner of the café, I gave her an apologetic smile. I’d thought long and hard about this, debating on whether to ask Theo, and choosing to make up my mind without anybody else’s influence or opinion. It was long overdue for that to happen. “Actually, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. The opportunity is amazing and would make a point to a lot of people that might suffer the same trials as me. But I’m not the right person to represent them. It’s not because I don’t think I’m strong enough or that my story or struggles aren’t worthy of being shown, but I don’t think I’m ready.”
There hadn’t been much I was able to control in my lifetime, but I was taking that back. Professor Ambrose would always be my favorite instructor. She was kind and gentle-hearted with everybody’s best interest in the forefront of her mind. However, I knew my best interest wasn’t the same. I’d acknowledged it, thought about it, and knew I couldn’t accept.
“I would love to be able to still attend the class because I think I’d learn a lot and improve my ability to draw people of all kinds, but I’d prefer doing that from my stool and sketchpad. Maybe one day I’ll be able to let people stare at me and draw what they see, but I know me, and right now I know I won’t be able to handle that.”
She reached across the table and placed her hand over mine. “I won’t say I’m not a little sad to see you skipping out, but I understand why. The reason is the best you could have given me, and I’m glad. Truly.”
I smiled back at her. “Your advice helped me a lot, you know. You told me to be spontaneous.”
Her knowing eyes sparked. “I take it being spontaneous worked in your favor in more than one way?”
My traitorous cheeks heated. “It did. I have him to thank for a lot, not that he’d ever let me. Theo is…a very stubborn man.”
“Fitting for one of the most stubborn women I know.” She squeezed my hand before sitting back in her seat and lifting her coffee cup. “You deserve so much, Adele. I’m glad you’re realizing that as well. So, tell me. What comes next now that you’re finished with school?”
All I could think about was Theo.
Of leaving.
I gave her a loose shrug. “I’m planning on painting. Selling my work. I think my next big step is to get away from here. Maybe not forever, but for a while. Too much has happened and even though this is the only home I’ve ever had, I’m ready to try finding another one where I can reinvent myself without old ghosts lingering.”
She nodded along. “Sounds like you’ve got a well thought out plan. Just remember that you don’t have to change yourself. It’s others who need to change their perspective.”
It took a moment, but I found myself agreeing with her. “I know. I’m a work in progress.”
“We all are, dear.”
After we said our goodbyes, I called Theo with a relieved smile across my face to let him know I was on my way home. While that was split between our two places, I knew anywhere he was, was as good as home as any.