psychology. One minute I was saying Millennial shit and now I sound like a throwback to the nineties. It’s like I’ve had a brain transplant.”
“If someone gave you a brain transplant, they would have made you smarter,” Eric muttered.
“Watch it, or I’ll have your balls pierced the next time you come in the shop,” Joe growled.
“Okay, so I need to find a way to trick her into spending more time with me,” I said, rubbing my hands together.
“No,” Eric said sharply.
“Yes!” Joe said excitedly. “Sorry, you’re not getting her any other way.”
“Okay, so…what ways can I get her to spend time with me?”
“You could ask for her help with something,” Kat suggested.
Eric glared at her. “You’re helping him with this ridiculous plan?”
“What? I think it’s sweet. He wants her back and if he goes along with Ren and Stimpy, he’s definitely not getting her back.”
“Who?” Joe asked.
“Look, it’s simple. Women want to feel needed. You need to find some way to show her that you need her for her brain,” Kat said.
I cringed, hoping this didn’t sound too offensive. “She didn’t go to college. I have a degree and I’m a lawyer. In what world would I need her help?”
“Wow.” Kat clucked her tongue and stood, shoving her chair back. “So, there’s absolutely no reason that you could need her for something because she doesn’t have a fancy degree? I take it back. I’m not helping you, because you’re a jerk.”
Eric watched her go, his eyes never leaving her retreating form. “She’s totally right. You’re an asshole,” he said, leaning back in his chair as she walked up the stairs. “What kind of man says shit like that about the woman he likes?” When she was out of sight, he leaned in and motioned me forward. “Do not listen to her. If you ask Anna to help you and she fucks something up, you’re in even deeper shit than you are now.”
I leaned back and smirked. “What happened to me being an asshole?”
“I can’t disagree with Kat right in front of her. What kind of idiot do you think I am?”
“The kind that has to hide stuff from his fiancé so he doesn’t piss her off,” I laughed.
“Says the man that’s trying to find a way to trick the woman he likes into being with him.”
I gritted my teeth. “You may have a point.”
“Listen,” Eric whispered, glancing back at the stairs. “She may have a point about finding something Anna can help you with. Women want to feel needed, but you need to be careful that your work life and your private life don’t intersect. Anna is…she’s not delicate. She’s like a firestorm, and if anyone from your professional life meets her, she could fuck things up for you. You know I like Anna, but she is a tornado and she wrecks anything in her path when she’s upset.”
“What the hell am I supposed to ask her to help me with? She doesn’t even want to see me again!”
“Ask her to help you to redecorate your apartment,” Joe suggested. “Chicks love to decorate.”
“Decorate? That’s your big idea? She doesn’t want to see me, but she’ll agree to come to the city and help me decorate?”
“He has a point,” Andrew said. “Think about it, she starts to decorate your place and she puts in her own touches. Suddenly, it starts to feel like her place.”
“And she magically decides to stay,” Will said sarcastically.
“It’s gotta be something big, something important,” Eric stressed. “It has to be something that you really need her help with, that no one else can help you with.”
I stared at him, waiting for him to tell me more. “And? What would that be?”
He leaned back in his seat and frowned. “Hell, I don’t know. I can barely figure out my own woman.”
I glanced around at my four brothers and sighed. “This is pathetic. Five men and none of us has a solution that works.”
“Ooh!” Joe grinned. “I’ve got it. Tell her that you need a fake fiancé for work.”
“And why would I need a fake fiancé? And why would she agree?”
Joe shrugged. “Tell her that your bosses won’t promote you unless you’re a family man. They want you to get married first. Then, you convince her that she knows you best and it would be the most believable.”
“Where do you come up with this shit?”
He wiggled his eyebrows at me. “I read it in a book. Yeah, I was with Shirley-“ He frowned, his eyes narrowing. “Or maybe