Collaring Chaz (Dante's Infernal #2) - Joel Abernathy Page 0,44

I knew he was genuinely happy for Dante and Cash, as hard as it was, but knowing something was going to happen and having a set date were two different things.

It was strange how something could make you feel jealous and sympathetic at once, in equal measure. Just as the weight of realization that Dante was about to belong to someone else forever crashed down on him, the weight of realizing his feelings were still as strong as ever took me under.

At least I could count on him not noticing. No matter how much time we spent together, or how into me he’d seemed lately, I was always invisible when Dante came into the picture.

I knew that. I had accepted it a long time ago, but now I had to wage that war against myself all over again.

Tomorrow night, Dante and Cash were going to mark the entwining of their fates with an official decree, but something just as permanent was going to happen in Rafael’s world, and the ripples were going to unleash a tidal wave on mine.

It was my fault for entertaining the delusion that I could ever be anything more than a backup to him. A fail-safe to fall back on, something to pass the time and ease the loneliness. At best, I was a booty call and at worst, I was a stand-in.

Either way, I was never going to be the one. And if he ever did want something more, there would be no ignorant bliss to bury myself in. Tomorrow night, and every night after, I would know without a doubt that Rafael was only with me because he’d settled. Because he couldn’t have what he wanted, and I was a distant yet convenient second best.

I’d had the last few minutes to come to terms with the realization I couldn’t escape now that we had a rare moment of downtime. The ritzy hotel suite Drake had booked to serve as our temporary home while we were on the Vegas stretch of the tour was spacious enough, but I still felt suffocated inside, so I’d retreated to the balcony, knowing I wouldn’t be missed. Rafael and Dante were parked in the living room, going over a new part they’d added to one of the songs, and the perfect harmony of their voices was a beautiful reminder that stuck in me like a knife.

At least the wind blocked out some of the sound. The view wasn’t bad, either. For once, I wasn’t too drunk to trust myself near the railing and the three-hundred-foot drop below.

I was starting to think that was a mistake when the glass doors slid open. When I saw it was Cash, I was shamefully relieved.

“There you are,” he said, wandering out to join me with a mug of something that was almost definitely coffee in his hand. “A little cold, isn’t it?”

I shrugged, pulling my thin zip-up hoodie a little tighter. “It’s not too bad.”

It was a lie, but my jacket was in the front hall, and I’d have to walk past the living room to get it. When I felt the heavy weight of a jacket three times my size settle on my shoulders, I looked up in confusion.

“You need it more than I do,” Cash said with a kind smile that matched his eyes. “So, what are we hiding from?”

“I’m not hiding,” I mumbled, looking back at the busy street below crawling with people who looked like ants from this distance.

“No? You’ve been out here for an hour.”

I blinked at him a few times. “Seriously?”

“Must be pretty deep in thought,” he mused. “I know I’m the newcomer and all, but I’m a pretty decent listener and I know how to keep my mouth shut. Security clearance and all.”

I snorted. “It’s the night before your wedding, I’m sure you have better shit to do than listen to me whine.”

“If you haven’t noticed, my betrothed has been commandeered for the moment,” he said in a wry tone.

I didn’t spend a lot of time alone around Cash, but there was something I’d always wanted to ask him. Now seemed like as good of a time as any. “It doesn’t bother you?” I asked warily, kicking myself when I realized he was probably going to want me to clarify if he wasn’t outright offended.

Cash thought about it for a moment before he shrugged, squinting into the overcast sky. “Doesn’t matter. It’s there whether it bothers me or not. No point in freaking out on people