I pour myself a small bowl, feeling guilty for taking any at all. Surely they won’t mind, right?
I eat it outside while the sun starts to rise.
Then, I try to call home once more, and it connects and starts ringing! But then, no one answers, and hope slips right through my fingers. How dare they sleep at a time like this?! So what if it’s ungodly early?!
When it goes to voicemail, I leave a message.
“Hey Mom, I’m not sure if you’ve talked to Jeremy yet. He said he was going to call you once he got back to Oak Dale since cell service is so bad out here. He and Khloe are moving to San Antonio. Khloe’s pregnant. It’s…yeah…he’ll do a better job of explaining everything. He’s going to be a dad. Did I already say that? Anyway, I’m calling because I won’t be coming home this weekend. I didn’t want to be stranded in Oak Dale on Monday morning and miss work, so I thought it was better to stay. Anyway…” I look down at the ground, brows furrowed. “I miss you guys.”
The voicemail cuts me off, and it’s just as well because I was already starting to ramble, the feeling of homesickness brewing up inside of me not something I want to indulge. It’s a glorious Saturday and I have absolutely nothing on my agenda. I can do whatever I want! Well, I can do whatever I want while stranded in the middle of the forest.
In a pure stroke of genius, I tromp back to Rose Cabin and grab a fresh towel and some clothes I don’t mind getting wet. I’m headed back out the door when my attention catches on Ethan’s paperback, a book by Brandon Sanderson. Without a second thought, I snatch it off his bed and carry it out to the lake with me. I stay out there most of the day, reading and lying out in the sun. When I’m feeling my bravest, I creep toward the edge of the lake and dip my toes in. It’s freezing, but after sitting in the sun for so long, it’s refreshing and the water is so clear and inviting, I can’t resist. I dive in and swim until my limbs start to ache. Then I head back to shore, towel off, read, and repeat the same process until my stomach is aching with hunger. In the mess hall, I fix myself a sandwich then take my book outside to sit where we’ve been gathering after dinner the last few days. Usually Mike plays his guitar and we get a nice flame going in the firepit.
Now, the fire pit sits empty and the camp is quiet, but this book is way better than I thought it would be, and I actually don’t mind having tons of time to sit and read alone.
The next day, I repeat the same schedule through most of the morning, except I take a longer swim and follow it with an extra-long nap while partially concealed by the canopy of pine trees. When I stir, I realize it’s because there’s a group of deer nearby, chomping on some plants only a few yards away from me. I hold perfectly still, watching two white-freckled fawns as they stick close to their mom, stealing sips of milk when they get the chance. They’re tiny and clumsy, both greedy for food. I laugh when one of them nudges the other out of the way, and the doe’s head perks up at the sound before she darts away, her offspring following quickly after her. The three of them remind me of my family, and the thought doesn’t fill me with sadness like I thought it would. I feel hope. I’m doing the right thing for my mom and McKenna. Being here means making more money than I ever could back in Oak Dale. Just because Jeremy is gone doesn’t mean anything bad will happen. I’ve made friends with a few of the guys, and I’m beginning to find a place of my own among the crew.
With that thought, I shed my towel and dip back into the lake, going for a second swim before I trudge back to camp, soaking wet.
In late spring, the temperature isn’t quite hot enough to warm me, and I’m still shivering by the time I make it back to the cabin. I change and eat a late lunch before sitting out on the porch, reading. I’m nearing the end of the paperback