The Code for Love and Heartbreak - Jillian Cantor Page 0,79
what Izzy said before she left: If you feel something...just let yourself feel.
But all I feel now is anger. And without another word to either of them, I turn and storm off toward my car.
* * *
“Emma!” George is calling my name and running after me when I glance back. He’s holding his hands out trying not to slip. He’s forgotten all about his PE clothes now. But I’m not going to remind him. There’s no way I’m turning back in the direction of the gym, where I assume Jane and Sam are still kissing.
George catches up to me right when I reach my car. I get in and start the engine, and he lets himself in the passenger side. “Emma, stop.” He puts his hand on my arm. “Just calm down a minute before you drive, okay? The roads might be slippery.”
He’s right, and besides, I’m also freezing. I turn up the heat, warm my hands in front of the vents. George does the same on his side of the car. Finally, when I’m warmer and can breathe a little bit again, I drive out of the parking lot.
The snow is starting to stick on Highbury Pike, and it really does take all my focus to drive. And to breathe. I inhale and exhale, in and out. Foot on the accelerator; foot on the brake. I creep down Highbury Pike at twenty-five miles an hour, until finally we make it to George’s driveway and I release my tight grip from the steering wheel and exhale.
“Why don’t you come in for a little bit? Drive home later,” George says kindly. “The snow’s supposed to stop soon, and it’s not cold enough out to stick for very long.”
George is right, the weather is forecasted to improve. And I don’t really feel like going to my big empty house all alone right now, or enduring the scary last mile of driving. But I hesitate, not sure I’m up for conversation, either, not even with George.
“Come on,” George prods. “I’ll make you some hot chocolate. We have marshmallows.”
“I mean, if there’s marshmallows...” I smile a little, in spite of all the anger I still feel swelling in my chest for Jane and Sam.
“And besides.” George turns, and his eyes glimmer a little so I know he’s teasing me now. “You owe me a rematch in Ping-Pong.”
* * *
Ping-Pong is all about the ball. Never taking my eye off it. Back and forth and back and forth, and I don’t lose sight of it. There’s no hindsight in Ping-Pong.
I beat George again—this time by two points instead of one. I raise my paddle in victory, feeling sweat pool under my sweater.
George laughs and collapses in a bean bag, and I put my paddle down and collapse on one next to him. We both need to catch our breaths. Our hot chocolate has cooled on the end table while we were playing, and I pick mine up and take a little sip.
“It’s not that bad,” George says after a few minutes. “Is it?”
“What? Your hot chocolate? Or the fact that I beat you at Ping-Pong every time?”
He smiles and shakes his head. “My hot chocolate is delicious, and maybe I let you win.” I burst out laughing, and so does he for a minute, but then his face turns more serious. “So Sam and Jane like each other,” he says, his voice a little softer. “So what?”
“So, Sam matches Laura...and Jane didn’t even try to make a match. She told me she didn’t want to date anyone. She never liked my app idea, and now she’s ruining the whole thing. Maybe that was her plan the whole time?” I’m breathing hard, and my words tumble out fast and angry, and I know they’re ridiculous, that I don’t really mean them, even as I say them. Jane wants to win next week. Jane said she believes we can win. But she also said she didn’t want a match or a boyfriend.
George gives me a look like he thinks I sound crazy. “Emma.” He shakes his head. “Jane wouldn’t do that.”
I bite my lip. It feels impossible to even talk rationally about Jane or Sam right now without this blinding, furious heat rising up inside of me. “Who’s going to believe in The Code for Love if even the club members don’t?” I say.
George nods, like he gets what I’m saying now. “We made a good app. And we should be proud of the coding we did.