I swallowed back the scream in my throat. "I do. But I also love Lucas. And Cass. And you're not okay with that, I can see it all over your face. The last thing I ever want to do is force you into a situation you're not comfortable with. But..."
The frown on Zed's face dipped lower. "But you won't choose me over them. So you're pushing me away now, thinking it won't completely rip my soul to shreds because... what? Because we only fucked a dozen times?"
Shit. I hadn't thought this through at all. Of course I couldn't do that to him or to me.
Spinning away, I raked my hands through my wet hair, grabbing onto the strands with frustration. "I don't fucking know what to do here, Zed," I admitted. "How is this meant to work? You can't honestly say you're okay with me being with Lucas and Cass now that we're together. Lucas has already told me how insanely jealous he gets when I'm... And then there's Cass, and he's..." My thoughts were all tripping over each other, so I trailed off in a small, exasperated scream.
Zed's arms came around me from behind, hugging me to his chest as he kissed my shoulder, soothing the raging storm of emotions erupting within me.
"Dare, baby," he murmured. "Just take a breath. I know this isn't ideal, but I fucking swear to you I'm okay with this. I'm okay with them. They make you happy like I've never seen you before. I wasn't able to do that for you. It wasn't until Gumdrop came along that the light went back on in your eyes, and I couldn't be more grateful to him for that."
My heart thumped hard against my chest, aching, but his words calmed me. I sighed, leaning my head back against his chest. "You're okay with it?" I repeated, skeptical as hell.
Zed huffed a small laugh. "Maybe that's an exaggeration. But if sharing you with them means I get you... then that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. I can work through my jealousy shit. Sounds like Lucas might need to as well."
My lips curled into a wry smile as he kissed my neck again, his lips hot against my damp skin. "I want so badly to believe you, Zed," I whispered, my voice hoarse. Of the three of them, he was the one I could least see accepting the polyamorous lifestyle. He was too controlled. Cass had the growly alpha-male shit going, but he was a hell of a lot more relaxed when it came to sex.
"Let me prove it to you," Zed murmured back. "Please. Let me show you that I can play nice, given the right motivation."
Turning around in his embrace, I placed a hand on his cheek and gave him a soft smile. "Zed..." I already felt like the worst kind of asshole for blowing up on this topic so soon after we’d crossed the line into relationship territory. I'd just hit the gas and sent us from zero to a hundred in three seconds flat.
"Please," he whispered again, kissing my palm. "At least let me try."
Shit. How could I say no? Especially when that was what I so desperately wanted. Needed. If Zed was willing to try, who was I to push back?
Licking my broken, throbbing lower lip, I drew a deep inhale through my nose, nervousness making me feel lightheaded and stupid. Indicating for him to follow, I left my room and padded softly down the carpeted corridor to Lucas's room.
His door was open, but he was lying on his bed with headphones on and his eyes shut. As I drew closer, I could hear the steady beat of music from his headphones, and I smiled. He'd been so determined to give us privacy that he was drowning out our voices... also probably not wanting to hear it if things turned sexual.
I paused right next to the bed, and his thick lashes fluttered open. For a second, he looked confused, then he tugged his headphones off and sat up.
"Hey, is everything okay?" he asked, concern rippling through his expression as he looked from me—still in my towel—to Zed, who loomed in the doorway like a storm cloud.
I bit my lip, already losing my nerve, then instantly regretted that movement because it hurt. "Yeah. Yes. I just..." I cringed, screwing up my nose and hating how awkward this was making me feel. "Zed wants to prove a point."