hard on Zed? It's clear to anyone with eyes how painfully in love with you he is. I don't believe for a second you haven't noticed."
Words failed me as I tried to formulate a reply to that. My eyes widened in surprise at his candidness, and my first instinct was to slam my walls up and retreat into Hades mode. But just one gentle look from Lucas had those same walls crumbling and leaving me open and vulnerable. Fuck.
"Look, don't get me wrong," he continued, throwing me a bone by giving me a hot second to gather my thoughts, "I love reaping the benefits of all that sexual tension, and I know Cass does too. But... I dunno. You guys love each other so much it hurts just watching you sometimes. And it's not even a question of picking someone. Cass and I have already proven we're happy to share. I think there's probably not much Zed wouldn't do for you too."
A hard lump of guilt formed in my throat, and I had to swallow before I could reply. "It's not that easy, Lucas."
He glanced over at me, his gaze calm and totally free of judgement. "I know. But that's why I'm asking, because I care about you, I love you, and Zed..." He trailed off and blew out a long breath. "Zed's not the worst, I guess. He's an okay dude. And he totally worships you, so I have to give some credit for good taste."
I bit the edge of my lip as a smile crossed my face. Lucas was so damn skilled at putting me at ease. Right at the point where a conversation turned way too personal, way too real, he somehow managed to relax me. It made the heavy subject feel like a casual chat. I loved that about him.
"It's not that easy," I repeated with a sigh, running my hand through my hair and staring out the window, "because I'm scared."
Oh fuck, did I seriously just admit that out loud?
"That's understandable," Lucas murmured. "But the best chances are always scary. If you could have seen how fast my heart was racing when I approached you at 7th Circle that night..." He flashed me a blinding smile when I glanced over at him, and I melted.
I didn't reply for a few minutes, and he placed his hand on my leg as he drove, silently reminding me that he was there for me, physically and emotionally.
"I'm scared," I whispered eventually, "that I'll lose my best friend. Zed's my safe place. He's the only person who has always had my back, no matter what. Even Demi questioned me when I came to her with the evidence of what my father was doing with the Lockharts, and Seph... well, Seph doesn't know any of it. But Zed never questioned me. Never made me second-guess myself. Never made me feel alone in my fight. He's my best friend, and I can't—" My voice cracked, and I drew a shaky breath. "I can't lose that. I'm terrified that without Zed, I'll lose myself. Even in my darkest days, he held onto my sanity—my humanity—for me, safeguarding it until I'd done what needed doing, then put it back where it belonged. What the fuck would I be today without him?"
Lucas didn't respond immediately, instead taking the time to really think about what I'd just confessed. He gave my opinion, my feelings, the respect of really listening to them and considering them before he formulated a thoughtful response.
"Why would that ever change?" he finally asked.
I blinked at him in confusion, my lips parting. "Because..." I had no quick reply. Why would that change? Because that's what happened when friends fucked. Everything changed.
"I'm only saying, Zed's already in love with you. He's probably been in love with you this whole time. And you with him. Finally admitting those feelings, finally accepting them... that's not going to change things. Not in the way you're afraid of, I don't think." Lucas drummed his fingers on the steering wheel as he drove, his eyes on the road ahead. "In fact, I'd bet it would only strengthen what you've got. If you're worried he only wants to hit it and quit it, you're so, so wrong."
I spluttered a sound of shock at that statement, and Lucas shot me a wolfish grin.
"What?" he teased. "I know, first-hand, there's no man alive that would only want one night with you."
I gave a short laugh, shaking my head. "You're only saying