“But there is! I’ve told you; I’ve been through all this before, with Josh. I’m not losing another child. And when you give birth . . .”
“Don’t even think you’ll be there for that.”
“I’m the child’s father,” he said calmly. “And if you think Harry will be there, you’ve got another think coming.” He gave me a cheeky grin. “The one who’s there at the conception should be the one who’s there at the birth. Everyone knows that.”
I jumped up so quickly I stumbled. A young couple at the next table turned to stare at me. I saw them glance quickly at our glasses to see what I’d been drinking. I picked up my bag and pushed past him. “Leave me alone,” I hissed in his ear. “I don’t want to see you again.”
He stood up, too, and followed me out of the pub. “When you’ve calmed down, you’ll know I’m right. In any case, I haven’t said what I wanted to say.”
I opened my car door and quickly climbed in.
Tom held the door so that I couldn’t shut it. I started up the engine and shouted, “Let go of the door!”
A couple of men who were about to go into the pub stopped and stared at us.
Tom lowered his voice. “I was going to say that if you want to see the child all the time, there’s an easy way around that.”
My first thought was that he wanted money. Mostly I felt disgust, but quite honestly the rest of me just thought: How much will it cost me to get rid of you and when do you want it? “What? What are you talking about?”
“We could live together. You, me, and the baby.”
CHAPTER 50
Ruby
I found it impossible to sleep. My heart was racing as I thought of the silver car. Had it really been following me? Had I just panicked and imagined it? My mind kept going back to the feeling I’d had that someone was watching me. I couldn’t help feeling it was something to do with the calls I’d had. Was the driver one of those men? He couldn’t have recognized me. That photo wasn’t even of me. But I hadn’t found the site until days after I started to get the calls. Had there been other photos of me that were put up and taken down without my knowledge? Or were there some on another site, too?
Before I went to bed, I left the lights on in every room and wedged a chair against my bedroom door. If anyone tried to get in I’d hear him. I put my phone under my pillow and left the lamp on. It took ages for my breathing to slow down and for me to feel safe. I lay in bed thinking about the mess I’d made of my life. I’d lost Harry and though I hated him now, I missed him, too. I’d lost my home and I knew that was my own fault but it was still a loss. No matter how good my and Josh’s intentions were, I knew I wouldn’t have the same relationship with him now. He’d move away to university next September and if I moved away, too, I’d hardly see him. I had no husband—or not really. We weren’t divorced yet, but the marriage was over. That was my fault, I knew, but there’s something about having a husband—it’s a kind of anchor, and without it, I felt like I didn’t belong anywhere. I’d been stupid to think that I would ever belong to Harry.
* * *
? ? ?
As soon as it was daylight I sent Sarah a text.
I’m so sorry, I know it’s early, but I need to talk to you when you’ve got a minute.
My phone rang within seconds. It was Sarah, sounding bleary and tired. “What’s up? Are you okay?”
“I think someone was following me last night.”
I could hear her moving around now and when she spoke all sounds of tiredness had gone. “What, after we left McCullough’s?”
“Yes. I was waiting ages for a taxi but nothing came. I ended up walking home.”