know what I felt about him now. I was such a bad judge of character. I’d thought Tom was the man for me but I felt like I was stifled and struggling to breathe. Then I thought Harry could help heal me. His relaxed attitude, his affection, and the way he’d treated me as someone precious had drawn me in, but I’d meant nothing to him.
Now I was free, I didn’t know who I was or what I was worth.
* * *
? ? ?
I sat there for ten minutes looking at the side of my house, then started the car and drove round the corner so that I was next to the driveway. If Tom drove past me on his way home I’d just have to deal with it. The For Sale sign was placed just where the road turned. That made sense, so that people driving down each road would see it. I knew Tom would have been out there on the lawn, moving it from where the estate agent had placed it to somewhere he deemed right. He had to be right. Even if he moved it only a matter of inches, he’d feel a sense of pride that now it was done properly.
Under the light from the lamppost, I could see the woodwork on the house was freshly painted, the gates, too. There were a couple of new bay trees in huge pots on either side of the front door, and I thought of Tom going to the garden center on his own one Sunday and struggling to get those pots into the car. He wouldn’t have accepted help; I knew that.
I leaned forward and checked the garden. It was tidy and the lawn was neat. It looked as though someone had been busy there. That was usually my job and I wondered who’d been there in my absence. Tom must have paid for a professional; he’d always complained whenever I’d asked him to help me.
Car headlamps lit up the road behind me and I swore. Was that Tom coming home? I really didn’t want him to see me. Quickly I turned my key in the ignition. At the last minute I realized it was Oliver. His car pulled into his drive and he jumped out and slammed the door. He turned toward me and waved.
Reluctantly I opened my car window and turned off the engine. “Hello, Oliver.”
“Hey.” He walked down the drive toward me. “What are you doing here? Are you back home now?”
“No, I’d heard that it was up for sale. I thought I’d come and take a look.”
“Are you going in?”
Quickly I shook my head. “No. No. I’m not going to do that.”
“It’s okay, Tom’s away for the weekend.”
“He is? Where’s he gone to?” I caught myself. “Sorry, don’t answer that. It’s nothing to do with me.”
“It’s okay. I don’t think it’s private. He’s gone up to Scotland to see his brother. He set off first thing this morning and won’t be back for a couple of days. He said something about having a meeting in Glasgow on Monday morning.”
“Oh, okay. I know he has a couple of clients there.” I smiled at him. “Anyway, nice to see you.”
“Wait,” he said. “Fancy coming in for a drink?”
“No, thanks.” I spoke automatically; it had upset me seeing my house up for sale and knowing how easily I could go back. I wanted to be alone to think about my response. “I’d better get back.”
“Oh, okay.” He looked forlorn and tired, and I remembered the times I’d thought of him alone in his house.
“I just feel a bit odd, being back here,” I admitted. “I feel uncomfortable, as though the neighbors will notice I’m here and think I’ve come back.” I hesitated. Normally I would have given in and had a drink with him, but I just didn’t want to. I’ve always been a people-pleaser; it was time to change that. I liked Oliver, but I didn’t want to start seeing him on my own. “I’d better go.”
I had planned to drive home but suddenly I thought of driving to Harry’s house, just to sit outside