I needed to get out, to go back home. I cringed as I realized I’d be leaving Ruby’s house where I’d betrayed her so absolutely, to go back to Harry’s where I’d done the same thing to him. I felt ashamed of myself.
The last thing I wanted to do was to talk to Tom, so inch by inch I slid silently out of the bed. I was naked and couldn’t see any of my clothes in that room. I made sure I didn’t open the door any farther—I didn’t want the light to waken Tom—and found my underwear on the landing floor. Quickly I scrambled into it.
Down in the living room the lamps were still lit and two wineglasses stood on the coffee table, one half-full, the other empty. I looked away, disgusted. My dress lay crumpled on the sofa, just where Tom had removed it, and I put it on, trying to ignore the scratches on my back and the soft, tender bruises that were starting to bloom on my wrists and thighs. My shoes were just where I’d left them; I’d kicked them off before I curled up on his sofa.
I swallowed. Their sofa.
When I was dressed, I grabbed my bag and put my jacket on. The night was still warm but my body felt chilled to the bone. My car keys were next to my handbag on the table in the hall; when I put them there the night before, I thought I’d be staying for only a few minutes. I picked them up without making a sound, then let myself out of the house, closing the door quietly behind me.
I crept down the driveway, glad that there was no automatic lighting that would have exposed me. The night was still, the sky the darkest blue. Nobody was around. All the lights in the houses nearby were off, the cars safely parked in their driveways. It was as though I was the only person awake.
My car was parked on the road next to their house. I left my lights off when I started the engine and only put them on when I drove around the corner and onto the main road.
The car was cold and I rubbed my arms to warm up. As I did so I realized I’d left something behind. Harry had given me a heavy silver bracelet for my last birthday and I’d been wearing it the day before. For a second I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t go back into the house to ask for it back, yet Harry would notice if it was missing. Then I shrugged and carried on driving. I knew Tom would see it, would hide it from Ruby. I’d tell Harry I’d lost it. I’d feign innocence. Shock, even.
I drove in silence, not wanting to hear music that would make me think of this night again. When I drew up at my house half an hour later, I breathed a sigh of relief to see Harry’s car wasn’t there. Of course it wouldn’t be; it would be at the airport, left happily there while he went off to have fun with Ruby.
My stomach was clenched so tightly I had to squeeze my arms around myself. What a mess.
Even though I knew he wasn’t there, I still tiptoed into our house and furtively checked each room was empty before I could relax. Then I ran a deep, scented bath and while I waited for it to fill, I scrubbed my teeth again and again to get rid of the smell and taste of wine. The taste of Tom. I closed my eyes and vowed I wouldn’t drink again. I couldn’t be trusted.
I lay for nearly an hour in that bath and felt just as bad when I got out as I had when I got in. Harry had broken his promises to me by sleeping with Ruby. I’d felt released from my own promises to him, then, but still my head thumped at the knowledge I’d broken my own moral code by sleeping with another woman’s husband. Each time I remembered Tom kissing me, touching me, I recalled the look on Harry’s face as he kissed Ruby.
In bed I clutched my phone, wanting to talk to Harry, to ask him how