He reared back, out of the bedroom. Now we were both on the landing. “Hey!” he said. “Don’t do that.”
“Don’t do that.” Now it was my turn to mimic. “Do this, do that. Live like this.” I stopped and roared, “Stop telling me what to do. And stop following me.”
“What are you talking about? You’re mad.”
“You know exactly what I’m talking about.” I’d stopped yelling now. “And stop putting my phone number on those sites.”
“I was doing you a favor! I thought you might like some company, now that you’re all on your own.”
“Just leave me alone.” All I felt was weariness. “You try to control me with every breath you take.”
He laughed. “Are you kidding? You’re the one who left.”
“Because I couldn’t stand it anymore.”
“No. You left so that you could sleep with another man. Own it, Ruby.”
And then I realized. That wasn’t why I left. I thought I’d left to be with Harry, but actually I’d left to get away from Tom. I didn’t even really know Harry. We’d spent only two nights together. We’d never had a fight, never disagreed, even. We’d taken that to be a sign of compatibility, rather than a sign we didn’t really know each other that well.
I stopped still at that thought. All I could hear was the sound of us panting. “So why were you sending me all those messages?” There was still a part of me that wanted to believe Tom had loved me once. “Why did you say you loved me and missed me?”
“You idiot. Did you really believe I meant that?” He laughed. “You think I want you?” He shook his head. “Unbelievable.” He leaned toward me. “Every little message I sent you brought you closer to me.”
“But why? Why would you do that?”
“Do you really think you get to say when this marriage ends? That you can just leave whenever you like?” He spoke as though I was stupid. A fool. “That’s not your decision, Ruby. It never has been. I get to decide whether you stay or go.”
“I did leave, though,” I said. “And do you want to know why I left?” I reached out and pushed his shoulder.
He jumped backward. “Stop it!”
“I left because I didn’t want to be with you anymore. You and your lies and your control. Telling me what to do all the time. What to think.” I stopped, sickened. “I couldn’t stand it anymore.”
“Well, you’ve made such a success of being on your own, Ruby. All you’ve got is a man who won’t leave his wife for you. Obviously you’re too boring for him, too. Did you wait a long time that night? When did you realize he wasn’t going to show? That was so funny, watching you go off with your little bags. Did you really think I wouldn’t notice your car was full of all your things? I just wish I could have seen your face when you realized he wasn’t going to turn up.”
I screamed, “You bastard!”
He laughed. He pushed his face into mine and I smelled the alcohol, sour on his breath. “You are crazy,” he said. Spittle landed on my face and I scrubbed my skin with my hand, repulsed. “You’ve always been crazy.”
I’d had enough. I couldn’t stand to see him anymore. I could feel the blood coursing through my veins. I was struggling and knew I should leave, but I just wanted to have the last word.
“Not any longer,” I said, and reached out. I didn’t want to touch him. I just wanted some space between us.
He leaned back, holding on to the handrail at the top of the stairs. Now, later, I realize that he was on the top step, but I didn’t understand the significance then.
He seemed to swell with rage, to tower over me, terrifying me.
He said, “Why would I want you when I’ve got someone else?” His eyes were wild. “Someone beautiful. Clever. Funny. It’s such a nice change.” He reached out and jabbed me in the chest,