Click to Subscribe - By L. M. Augustine Page 0,26

the hell out of here, but as I look at her, at the sadness in her eyes, I know I can’t leave her. I feel so wicked for not wanting to talk to her, but really what am I going to say? “Hey I’m sorry I rejected you but I guess I don’t love you like you love me. Screw that, though, let’s just stay best friends, kthxbye” would not play in my favor, and that’s the best I can come up with.

The thing is, though, it’s as simple as that: we are best friends. And she is hurt. I'm not going to leave her when she needs me. Sure, maybe we aren’t made for romance, but that doesn’t mean we need to turn this into something more than it is.

“You okay?” I finally say, withholding a sigh. This was a mistake. This was so a mistake.

“Oh, fine,” she says. “I’ve just pissed off my best friend and also made a fool of myself in front of him. So yeah, I’m splendid.”

I shake my head. Other students file by us, and the whole hallway is a blur of laughs, shouts and smiling faces. That is, except for Cat and me. I move toward her, dropping my backpack against my locker. “Cat, I’m sorry,” I say, because I can’t think of anything better. “I was an idiot before.”

“You don’t say?” Seeing her this wound up and knowing it’s all because of me sends a jolt of pain rushing through my body. Problem is, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to fix this. Tell her I’m sorry? That sure didn’t work. Give loving her a chance? But doing that would go against every fiber of my being.

“Cat, please. What do you want me to do? I really am sorry and you didn’t embarrass yourself. It’s my fault. I just… I’m just…”

“You’re just what?” Her hands are on her hips now, and it looks like she’s ready to walk out on me for good.

“I’m just confused,” I say, exasperated. “I don’t know what to do, Cat. I’m lost. You caught me by surprise, is all.”

“Well I’m sorry I ‘caught you by surprise’ and made you feel so lost. That was really selfish of me, wasn’t it?”

“You know that’s not how I meant it.”

“And you know I don’t care! Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get to class. We can talk more about this some other time.”

At that, she whirls around and starts walking in the opposite direction down the hall. More students rush in, and I can smell her vanilla shampoo unmistakably against the masses of people. “Cat…” I grab for her arm, but she shakes off my grip, giving me a disgusted look.

“Nope. I’m buuuusy, West.”

“Cat, c’mon, please.”

“Please what?” she says sharply, spinning back around to face me. Her eyes are wild, and her red hair flies everywhere. “Please stop loving you? Please ignore my feelings and let you have you want again? Please pretend none of this ever happened? Because guess what, West, it did. And this is one thing you’re going to have to face on your own.”

“Cat!” I say. “I’m not asking you to stop loving me. I’m not asking you for anything. I just want us… to be normal,” I finally say.

She backs away, laughing to herself. “You really think it’s that simple, West?” she says, shaking her head. “You think I can just put away my feelings for you, lock them in a box, and ignore them until you’re ‘ready for them?’”

“No, that’s not what I meant—” I start to say, but she isn’t listening.

She steps an inch closer. “Just ask yourself this, West,” Cat says, dropping her voice to a hushed whisper. “Will you ever be able to stop loving your mom? Because it’s the same thing with you and me.”

Before I can react, she turns back around, and for an instant all I see is her red velvet hair and the flash of deadly serious blue in her eyes.

“Cat, wait,” I choke out. “Please, just wait.” But she’s already pushing past me, rushing down the hallway, until she turns the corner and disappears out of sight.

I’m left standing there in the middle of the hallway, holding my overly-heavy backpack and wondering if we can ever go back to being normal again.

***

I don’t see Cat for the rest of the day, which I’m pretty sure is to both of our benefits. Another conversation with her would be… I don’t know.