Christmasland - Anne-Marie Meyer Page 0,62

something was holding her back.

Water began to rush over my fingers. I glanced down to see that I’d overfilled the glass. I reached out to turn off the water, and Bea took that moment to step away from me.

I tried to not let it bother me. I tipped the glass over to let some of the water out and then handed it to Bea. She sniffled and brushed her wrist against her nose as she glanced around.

“Tissue?” she asked.

I scanned the room. When I came up empty-handed, I nodded towards Mom’s office. “I’m sure some are in there.” When I stepped forward, she held her hand up. It brushed my arm and caused me to freeze.

“I can get it,” she whispered.

I wanted to fight her. I wanted to tell her that it really was no problem, but she was already halfway across the kitchen before I could get the words out. So I found a dish towel, dried off my hand, and settled in against the countertop.

Things felt strained between us, and I was trying hard not to read into that. Instead, I was going to focus on the fact that she was here and willing to be around me. I was determined to show her the kind of person I really was, sans Christmasland.

When she didn’t come back right away, I straightened and peered toward the office. Did she get lost in there? Was it that hard to find the tissues?

Seconds ticked by, and she didn’t emerge. Wondering what was going on, I walked over to the doorway to find Bea standing over Mom’s desk, staring at something.

I furrowed my brow. “Everything okay?”

Bea jumped away from Mom’s desk with a few pieces of paper in her hand. She held them out to me. “What are these?” she asked.

Confused, I reached forward and took them from her. One glance and my heart sank. “Bingo cards,” I whispered. Not only bingo cards, but crossed off bingo cards. Apparently, Mom had been tracking what Bea and I were doing.

I glanced up to see Bea wipe a tear away. She kept her gaze focused on the ground. “I can explain,” I said as I saw her body stiffen. She was getting ready to sprint from the room.

“It was all a lie, wasn’t it?” she asked. My heart broke as she turned her gaze upwards to meet mine. I could see hurt and betrayal in her eyes.

“No, it wasn’t.” How could I get her to understand that it was never a lie for me?

“It wasn’t?” She pulled the papers from my hands. “A Christmas morning breakfast. A sleigh ride. Chopping down a tree. An older girlfriend. A grumpy hero?” She waved the paper in my face. “This is exactly what you planned for me. Am I right?”

I slowly nodded. The ability to form words left me, and all I could do was stand there.

Bea stared at me and then back down at the paper. “Are you going to tell me that you are royal next? Or that you need my help planning a Christmas ball?” She crumpled up the paper and tossed it into the garbage next to her. “I thought you did those things because you cared about me. But it’s all a lie.”

A tear escaped and she angrily wiped it away. “You. Carol. Porter. You all lied to me and Em.” She sniffed as she studied the ground. She took in a deep breath and glanced up at me. “Why? Why would you do that to us?” Her voice drifted down to a whisper. “To me?”

I had to tell her that it wasn’t true. I used the bingo cards as a template of the things I could do for her, but I wanted to do them. I wanted to spend that time with her. But I feared she wouldn’t believe me. My words would fall on deaf ears, and all she would hear was betrayal. I didn’t want to rub salt in her wounds.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. I wasn’t sure what else to say. I’d betrayed her. I’d lied to her. Even if I wanted to tell myself it was for a good cause, the truth was I’d led her on. Just like Scarlet did to me.

Bea studied me. She worried her lips as her eyes filled with tears. “Is that all?”

I nodded. What else could I do? I’d walked away from Scarlet. If Bea wanted to walk away, did I have any right to try to stop her? If I cared