off my handiwork to her. But she’ll see the costume in the play. In fact, it’s better if she sees it for the first time in the performance. I can’t wait.
Through my happy reverie, I suddenly spot Steph walking along the pavement toward school, and my stomach drops in horror. She looks terrible. Her skin has a gray tinge and her hair is greasy and her gaze is distant. Harvey keeps pulling at her arm and trying to get her attention, but she obviously can’t hear him. She’s lost in a place in her head. A bad place.
I need to talk to her—but not here in front of everyone. I hurry back out with Minnie, into the playground, and meet Steph coming in through the gates.
“Steph!” I greet her. “I haven’t seen you for a while. Are you OK?”
Steph’s eyes jolt with shock as though I’ve woken her from a nightmare.
“Oh, hi, Becky,” she says, her voice dry and scratchy. “Hi. Sorry I haven’t been around much. I’ve been dashing in and out.”
“Don’t apologize!” I say. “I just wanted to, you know, check in. See how you’re doing.”
“Yeah.” Her voice descends to a whisper and she takes a deep, shuddery breath as though fending off tears. “Yeah. Not great.”
“Right. Is there…Are you…” I hesitate anxiously, wanting to be there for her but not to pry. “Is it…”
“He’s been to a lawyer,” she says, her voice so low it’s barely audible. “He wants a divorce.”
“Already?” I say, shocked.
“I’m spending half the day on the phone to my lawyer. It’s nuts. I don’t have time to get divorced. Like, I’m late for a meeting right now, but the lawyer’s just called. And Christmas,” she adds despairingly. “How do people have time?” She gives a weird laugh, then breaks off abruptly as Eva’s mum comes past, holding a huge fluffy sheep costume.
“Look at my costume!” shouts Eva. “My mummy made it!”
Steph freezes and turns even more ashen. Her eyes start flitting about wildly, taking in all the excited children arriving with their costumes.
“Costume,” she says, and swallows hard. “Costume. I never…Oh God. The pattern. I put it…I don’t know where I put it….It’s today, isn’t it?”
Reluctantly, I nod, and see panic consume her face.
“Where’s my costume?” says Harvey, and he looks up at her so trustingly, my heart squeezes.
“Oh, Harvey. Oh, darling. Don’t worry!” Steph looks as if she might throw up. “I’ll go to the…I’ll get you…” She glances at her watch. “Oh God, but I’m late.” She actually totters slightly on her high heels, and I feel a jolt of alarm.
“I’ve got a spare,” I hear myself saying hurriedly. “Have this one.”
“A spare?” Steph stares at me.
“Yes!” I say, as convincingly as possible, and hold up my carrier bag. “This one didn’t fit Minnie in the end, so I brought it to school to see if anyone else could use it and…how perfect is this? It’s still got Minnie’s name on it, but you can change that. Harvey, here’s your costume!” I say brightly.
“Becky, are you sure?”
The expression of gratitude in Steph’s face is kind of unbearable, because she looks so exhausted and ground down too. I wish I could sort out everything for her.
But, anyway, this is something, at least.
“Of course! Don’t wait for me,” I add, “if you’re in a rush.”
“Thanks.” Steph puts her hand on my arm and squeezes hard. “Thanks so much, Becky.” Then she hurries toward the classroom, gripping Harvey with one hand and the carrier bag in the other.
“That’s my costume,” says Minnie, who has been watching alertly. “My costume.” She raises her voice. “My costuuuuuuuume!”
Oh God. It’s been a while since Minnie had a meltdown. I’d forgotten how earsplitting her voice could be.
“Give it baaaaaack!” she yells. “That’s my costuuuuuuume!”
“Minnie, it was going to be your costume,” I say quickly, crouching down so we’re eye-to-eye. “It was going to be. But we gave it to Harvey. That’s what Christmas is about, giving things. You like giving presents, don’t you? Well, that’s…what we did!”
As I say the words, it hits me for the first time what I’ve done. I worked so hard on that costume. Cutting out and sewing and resewing. Stitching on those endless sequins. It took forever. And now I won’t ever see Minnie perform in it. I keep on smiling brightly at her little face, but behind my eyes I feel a ridiculous hotness.
Then I force myself to stand up straight and shake my hair back. It’s no big