“The whole adoption thing must be a real strain on both of you,” Suze says softly. “Isn’t it?”
There’s a much longer pause and I can barely breathe, because Jess’s eyes are starting to shimmer. Jess’s eyes never shimmer. I always thought they were made of granite, like her abs.
“Yes, it’s quite a strain,” she says at last, and her voice sounds choked. “It’s harder than we predicted. You think you’re patient, you think you’re philosophical…but…”
She breaks off into silence. Oh God. We need to tread so carefully. I look nervously at Suze, who makes an encouraging face back.
“Is it…I mean…” I hesitate. “Do you…”
I don’t even know what I want to ask. Actually, what I want is for Jess to blurt out all her feelings spontaneously and then I’ll say something wise in return and we’ll all hold hands.
But already she’s gathering herself. The shimmer has gone from her eyes.
“Maybe we should order some bread as well,” she says, glancing at the café counter.
“Jess, don’t talk about bread!” I say as supportively as I can. “We’re here. Just the three of us in a safe space. Why not talk about…”
“What?” She narrows her eyes at me.
“Anything!” I wave my hands vaguely. “Anything at all! Chile…Tom…”
As I say the word “Tom,” Jess inhales sharply.
“What is this?” she demands, looking from me to Suze. “You’re on about Tom again. I thought he emailed you and said that everything was OK.”
“Well,” I say after a pause. “Yes, he did.”
I don’t want to add, “And his email made me more concerned than ever!” Nor do I want to ask yet again, “When is he coming back to the UK?”
“Everything’s fine.” Jess glowers at me. “What are you expecting me to say, Becky? What are you implying?”
“Nothing!” I backtrack hastily. “No! I’m not. But…if there’s anything to share…I’m your sister after all.” I put a gentle hand on her arm and try not to notice her recoiling.
“And I’m your friend,” chimes in Suze, putting a hand on Jess’s other arm and fixing her with earnest blue eyes. “So if you did want to share…”
“She doesn’t want to share!” comes the sardonic voice of the girl in the sack, who seems to have moved on to waitress duty and is walking past. “Jeez! Leave the poor woman alone!”
“It’s none of your business!” I say indignantly, but Jess has already moved her arms out of our grasps. She thrusts them under the table, looking supremely uncomfortable.
“I’m sorry, Becky, but she’s right,” she says in a tense, low voice. “Just leave it. Stop inventing problems with my life.”
“But—”
“Leave it.” Jess cuts me off, and I exhale in frustration. How can we talk…if Jess won’t talk?
I open my mouth—then shut it. I’m desperate to say more, but Jess’s resolute expression puts me off. She’ll only get angry, and that’s the last thing I want.
“If there’s anything you should be worried about, it’s not my marriage,” Jess continues robustly. “It’s your mum and Janice. That’s the relationship gone south. They’re not even speaking, as far as I can work out.”
“What?” says Suze in shock, and I realize I haven’t filled her in on the whole situation.
“Oh yes, Mum and Janice have kind of fallen out,” I admit. “It’s not great.”
“But why?” demands Suze. “What happened?”
“Janice feels ignored,” says Jess bluntly. “She feels as if your parents have moved on and forgotten all about her.”
“Mum and Dad have invited Janice and Martin to things in Shoreditch,” I say, wanting to stick up for them.
“Oh, I know.” Jess shrugs. “I’m not taking sides. Janice doesn’t help herself. She’s got a mental block about Shoreditch. Her new thing is looking up knife-crime stats. She keeps saying things like, ‘Well, I hope poor Jane and Graham don’t get mugged by a drug runner on a moped’ and ‘Well, I hope poor Jane and Graham don’t get caught up in gang warfare.’ ”
Jess does such a good imitation of Janice’s quavery voice, I can’t help grinning. “Still, she’s upset,” Jess concludes.
“Not too upset to find herself a new friend, though?” I can’t help retorting.
“Oh God.” Jess rolls her eyes. “Flo.”
“Flo?” Suze looks intrigued. “Who’s Flo?”
“Janice’s new best friend,” I explain. “In Oxshott.”
“I can’t even imagine Janice having a new best friend,” says Suze in wonderment. “That’s extraordinary!”
“It’s gruesome,” says Jess, shaking her head.
“You’re not a fan of Flo?” says Suze, with a giggle. “Sorry,” she adds. “I know it’s not funny.”
At that moment, the waitress brings over our food,