hand on heart. But other than that, this is pretty perfect.
“I think we’re a hot couple, anyway,” I say at last, as we finally draw apart. “I would totally want to have sex with us.”
“Me too,” says Luke. “They lost out.” He tugs at the bow on my blouse. “Does this untie?”
“Might do.” I glint teasingly at him as he loosens the bow. All this thinking about foursomes has kind of got me going. As soon as Kay leaves, we’ll light some candles…pull up a sheepskin in front of the fire…put on a sexy playlist…mmm…
Oh, but what about the Christmas movie? I suddenly remember. What about Rae and the lumberjack? I have to know what happens—
No, it’s fine, we can get it with On Demand. God, technology is great.
CHATS
Suze & Bex
Suze
So??? Are you all tangled up in the hot tub with Craig and Nadine??!!
Bex
No!!! I’m watching a Christmas movie with Luke, actually.
Suze
Watching a Christmas movie?? What happened??
Bex
They didn’t want a threesome. Or a foursome. Or any kind of -some.
Suze
Really??? I swear I read Craig’s into that kind of stuff.
Bex
He is. They are. But not with us.
Bex
They said, “You’re not our type.”
Bex
Suze? Are you there????
Suze
Sorry. I was laughing so hard I dropped my phone.
Becky & Jess
Becky
Hi, Jess! Just wondering, will Tom definitely be back in England in time for Christmas??
Jess
Yes
Becky
Only he’s been away quite a while, hasn’t he?
Jess
Yes
Becky
That must be really hard for you.
Jess
Yes
Becky
Anyway, Suze and I wondered if you’d like to meet up sometime? Shall we go to Waste Not Foods? It’s a packaging-free shop with a vegan café! Doesn’t that sound perfect??!!
Jess
Yes
Becky
And you’re sure everything’s OK with you and Tom?
Jess
Yes
Becky
Because you can confide in me about anything, you know that?
Jess
Yes
Becky
So you and Tom really are OK???
Jess
YES
From: Tom Webster
To: Becky
Subject: FYI
Dear Becky,
Jess shared with me your recent WhatsApp exchange. Clearly you think we’ve got some sort of problem. I would like to let you know:
There is nothing wrong with our marriage.
To repeat:
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH OUR MARRIAGE!!
Best,
Tom
From: Anders Halvorsen
To: Becky Brandon
Subject: Re: An exciting new word for your dictionary—“sprygge”!
Dear Mrs. Brandon, née Bloomwood:
Thank you for your email. I must admit, I found it confusing.
In answer to your question: No, I cannot put “sprygge” into the Norwegian National Dictionary. This word is unfamiliar to me.
I do not believe it has “passed into everyday Norwegian.” Nor is it “on the tip of everyone’s tongue these days.”
What exactly do you believe it means?
Yours sincerely,
Anders Halvorsen
Editor
Norwegian National Dictionary
A week has passed and I’ve put Craig and Nadine out of my mind. Because the best thing to do in life is move on from embarrassing encounters and not look back, even when your husband keeps teasing you about them. He sent me a text yesterday:
John at work has invited us for dinner in the new year with his wife. NB: Fairly sure he means dinner, not a foursome in a hot tub.
Ha ha, hilarious.
But I’m also quite preoccupied with Jess, because Tom’s email troubled me. No one sends an email like that if their marriage is fine. Tom actually sounds a bit deranged, if you ask me. Although, let’s face it, he’s never been what you might call “standard issue.” It’s not so long ago that he was building a monster summer house in Janice and Martin’s garden and announcing he was going to live there.
As I ice Minnie’s birthday cake on Saturday morning, I’m feeling quite concerned—although I’m even more concerned by the stupid cake. The sponge keeps falling apart every time I try to smear the buttercream on. I thought this job would take about ten minutes and I could get it all done while Minnie was at her ballet lesson, but this is a disaster.
“Suze, help,” I say desperately as she strides into the kitchen. “My cake keeps falling to bits when I try to ice it.”
“Did you cover it with a crumb coat first?” she inquires.
“Of course not.” I stare at her. “Crumb what? How did you know about that?”
Suze shrugs vaguely, which probably means she learned it at finishing school. She’s always coming out with some life tip that she learned there, like how to lay a table for six courses or address an envelope to a bishop. I’m about to say, “Is it