kissed her again. “And sounded pretty good. But that doesn’t mean—”
“I loved it,” she blurted out. “Thank you so much. I loved it.”
He let out a rough exhalation and took her in his arms. His arms were tight. His body was hot. “Thank you for trusting me enough to do that for you.”
It said something about him. That he’d thanked her, even after he’d given her the best sexual experience she’d ever had in her life.
It said something really good about him.
She felt like she might ooze into a puddle of pure satisfaction. But then she started feeling a little guilty about it so she lifted her head. “Do you want me to do you now?”
Carter frowned at her. “No. That was for you. I wasn’t expecting reciprocation.”
“Okay. But I don’t mind doing you. Maybe a little bit later. After I’ve recovered.”
He laughed softly, still hugging her close. “That sounds like a plan to me.”
Ten
THEY STAYED IN BED, lying tangled together and not speaking, for a long time. Almost half an hour. Ruth felt too good to wonder about it or begin her typical mental storm of questions and imagined answers.
That kind of mindless bliss couldn’t last for long. Maybe it could for some people but definitely not for her. Eventually little prickles of worry started to pierce the cloud of satisfaction. Slowly they intensified and expanded until the prickles became a full-fledged panic.
She sat up abruptly, sucking in a ragged breath.
Carter’s eyes had been closed and his breathing slow and even, but he lifted his head at her motion. “You okay?”
She forced a casual smile. “Yeah. Just need to pee.”
She didn’t. It hadn’t been very long since she’d gone earlier. What she needed was to escape for a minute.
“Okay.” He watched her until she got out of bed, pulled down her gown, and limped into the bathroom.
There, she sat on the toilet and tried to breathe slowly, talking herself down from the flare of fear.
She’d made herself completely vulnerable with Carter just now. As vulnerable as she’d ever been in her life. And it wasn’t because of the sexual activity or the particular position she’d been in or how much control over her body he’d had. It wasn’t because of the accident or the concussion or her physical weakness.
It was her heart.
Her heart was completely vulnerable to him, and somehow what had happened between them just now had made that perfectly clear.
She loved him.
She’d tried not to. She’d been telling herself not to fall for him for two and a half months. She’d been telling herself that she wasn’t his type, that he’d never love her back. She’d been telling herself that they’d both been having a good time and that was all it could ever be.
But she’d done it anyway.
She’d stupidly fallen in love.
Which meant she needed him now in every way.
He might finally be recovered from his heartbreak over Summer. He might even have realized that what he’d felt for her wasn’t what he thought. Ruth hoped that was true, for his sake more than her own. But that didn’t mean he was available to her now any more than he’d ever been.
Love disappointed you. At least that was what it had always done to Ruth. And her intense desire to tell Carter of her feelings for him would only lead to the worst disappointment of her life.
It would put him on the spot. It would make him feel bad, guilty. It would destroy all the good things that were real about their relationship.
If he felt the same way, he would say something.
There had to be a limit to how much of herself she exposed to him, how vulnerable she allowed herself to be.
With that resolved in her mind, she flushed the toilet, washed her hands and face, and brushed her teeth. Then she returned to the bedroom.
Carter was still lying on his side, his head on the pillow and his eyes focused on her. She walked back to the bed and sat down on the edge, taking a couple of gulps of water from the bottle on the bedside table.
“Come back to bed, Ruth,” Carter murmured when she put down the bottle and didn’t move.
“I should get up.” She felt heavy. And suddenly so exhausted she could barely keep her eyes open.
“Why?”
“It’s Monday morning. I’ve got work to do. I’m supposed to meet Mrs. Lopez about her master suite at ten.”
“I’m sure Mrs. Lopez would be happy to reschedule. You were in a car accident yesterday.