look at Carter, who was reclining on top of the covers beside her. He was wearing the tan pants he’d had on all day with a gray T-shirt which he must have recently put on. She couldn’t remember what he’d been wearing earlier, but she was sure it had long sleeves. He currently had socks but no shoes on. “Have you been lying here with me the whole time?”
“Yes. Of course I have. I needed to make sure you were all right.”
“I’m okay.”
“That’s good. Everyone will be relieved.” Carter looked relieved too. His face had relaxed. The corners of his mouth were turned up slightly in her favorite little smile.
“Everyone?”
“Yes, everyone. Mom keeps popping her head in here every fifteen minutes. Summer has called once and texted twice to make sure I tell her and Lincoln how you’re doing. Kayla’s checked in twice. And even Savannah called. She heard you were in a car accident and was worried about you.”
“Oh.” Ruth’s heart swelled at hearing the list of people who were concerned about her. “Well, you can tell them all I’m okay. They don’t need to worry about me.”
“Okay. I will.” Carter picked up his phone and started sending messages.
She watched him with lazy interest. She was feeling good now. Nothing was really hurting. Not even her wrist. And her mind was blessedly clear. She would need to go to the bathroom in a little while, but it wasn’t uncomfortable yet, and she didn’t want to move.
When Carter finished sending his updates, she said, “It smells good in here. Like Christmas.”
“That’s Mom’s essential oils. Cinnamon. Cloves. Orange. And something else I can’t remember. She said they were good for clarity of the mind.”
Ruth giggled.
Carter slouched farther down and turned his head to face her. His eyes were resting on her face with a warm fondness that was downright intoxicating. “You do seem better.”
“I’m really okay. I’m not sure why I fell apart like that.”
“It’s okay to fall apart.”
“I don’t usually do it.”
“I know you don’t.”
“Thank you for your help. I really do appreciate it.”
His expression sobered. “Can you tell me why you didn’t call me and didn’t want me to help?”
Ruth swallowed hard and tried to think of a good answer.
“Even if you were mad at me or uncomfortable about how things were between us—”
“I wasn’t mad at you!”
“Maybe not. But there was definitely some weirdness between us. So even if you were uncomfortable about that, surely you knew you could still trust me to help you.”
She was too tired to get very emotional again, although her voice broke slightly as she responded, “I know that. I know I can always trust you to help.”
“Then why not call me? You were all by yourself in the hospital. You didn’t have anyone to help you. Even if I’m not your first choice, at least I’m someone. Someone who will always want to help, no matter what else happens between us.”
She closed her eyes against the naked earnestness of his eyes, his voice. It was almost too much to handle. “I know you are. And I know I didn’t have anyone with me. It was... That’s part of why I ended up totally losing it the way I did.”
“So why not let me?”
The only way to truly explain her thinking would be to reveal everything to him. That she didn’t want a little bit of help from him. She wanted everything.
She might be far gone, but she wasn’t ready to expose herself completely.
“It’s hard to explain,” she began. “I think it’s just because I’ve spent most of my life taking care of myself. So it’s... it’s hard to rely on other people. It’s different with family. They have to help you. But you... you’re not family. And... I don’t know. It makes me feel... I’m not used to people going out of their way for me. I’m sorry if I hurt you. I really am. It’s the last thing I wanted to do. I’m just not... I’m not good at letting other people take care of me.”
He nodded and reached down to squeeze her hand. “Okay. I can understand that.”
“I’m really not used to being a mess like this. I usually have things together, so this is pretty embarrassing.”
He gave another of those huffs of laughter. “I know how that feels.”
“You do not. You always have it together.”
“Are you kidding me? I’ve fallen apart way worse than you’d ever dream of doing.”
“You have?” She turned onto her side so she could see