than a friend?” Kayla’s blue eyes were wide and innocent. She wasn’t just teasing now. She was asking for real.
Ruth held back her initial retort, which would have been a vehement (and false) denial. She tried to always tell the truth to Kayla when she could. So she took her time, thought it through, and finally said, “I don’t know. I think I could, to tell you the truth. Like him, like him.”
“So what’s the problem?”
“He doesn’t like me that way. So if I let myself get too... hopeful, I’m going to get crushed.”
“Are you sure he doesn’t like you? ’Cause it sure looks like he likes you to me.”
“Well, we’re pretending to be engaged. Of course he’s going to act like we’re in love.”
“But why would he have to act when it’s just the three of us? Even then, it seems like he’s really into you.”
“I don’t know what to say, Kayla. I really don’t. I sometimes think that too.” Ruth’s chest hurt as she processed the realization. And what it meant about how she’d failed to guard her feelings the way she’d tried so hard to do. “Sometimes I feel like, hey, maybe this isn’t all fake. Maybe there’s something there.”
She didn’t say so to Kayla, but she’d been thinking that more often in the past week, ever since Carter had implied that he was truly over Summer. If he wasn’t still hung up on her, then maybe there was the chance for him to fall for someone else.
Maybe even her.
He certainly enjoyed having sex with her. That much couldn’t be denied.
But sex was sex. It wasn’t love. And men did it all the time without it meaning anything. She knew from long experience that assuming good sex meant love would only lead a girl to another broken heart.
“So maybe there is,” Kayla said softly, responding to Ruth’s last comment. “Maybe there’s more there than you thought.”
“I don’t think so. He’s never said anything except that he wants to have fun with me until after Christmas. I think...” She swallowed hard over a little lump of regret. “If guys are interested, they make sure you know.”
“Always?”
“In my experience. And Carter is so honest and straightforward and careful about other people’s feelings. He wouldn’t— I don’t think he’d ever dream I was getting hopes I shouldn’t have. He’s never said a word about this thing between us being real. I really think...” The recognition was fully materializing now inside her. It felt right. She knew it was right. “I think those little hopes I’ve been having are the same thing I’ve always done with men. Deceiving myself into believing something that just isn’t true. I try to read signs and rationalize and give myself reasons to hope for guys to really fall for me. But they don’t. And I don’t want to... I like Carter too much to mess up our relationship by interpreting clues that aren’t there and putting pressure on him that would probably really upset him.”
Kayla was subdued now, matching Ruth’s own mood. “Are you sure? Maybe if you just say something, he’ll tell you he likes you too.”
It sounded like a dream to Ruth. Like a fantasy. A fairy tale she desperately wanted to be true. But long experience had taught her that it never turned out that way, and she wasn’t going to blow things with Carter.
She wanted to at least remain his friend. She wasn’t going to be the kind of needy, clingy girl she’d been in the past. The girl who had only ever embarrassed her.
She wasn’t going to do that with Carter.
“I think it’s better this way. If he wants to say something, he’ll say it. And if he doesn’t, then I’m just making things up. Things are still going well. This weird little thing with him has turned out well anyway.”
“You’ve seemed really happy,” Kayla murmured. “Happier than you’ve been in a long time.”
Ruth gave the girl a half hug. “I have been happy. I almost forgot what that felt like.”
THEY LEFT TWENTY MINUTES later so Ruth could drive Kayla back home. As they were saying goodbye, Ruth’s phone vibrated with a text. She waited until Kayla had gotten into her house before she picked up her phone to read the message.
It was Carter. Still with Kayla?
Just dropped her off. How’d the dinner go?
Good. You coming over?
Ruth hesitated before replying. Carter probably wanted to have sex. They didn’t spend nights together during the week, so the weekends were when they