of it since her mother died. The Wilsons were good people. Kind people. And they seemed to care about her.
But they weren’t her people.
She didn’t really have any people, and she was used to it. As soon as this little interlude was over, she’d get used to it again. This wasn’t going to change her.
She wouldn’t let it.
That resolved in her mind, she straightened up and dried her tears. Then she went to take a long, hot shower, brush her teeth, and put on her pajamas. She’d discovered a tiny beverage cooler built into the bookcase against the wall. Inside was bottled water, so she grabbed a bottle before she climbed into bed.
Needing to distract herself, she turned on the television before she turned off the light. She found the same half-hour comedy on the streaming service she and Carter had been watching the night before, flipped to the episode they’d left it on, and pressed Play.
She’d watched about fifteen minutes when she heard a knock.
She sat up, confused and self-conscious. She wasn’t even sure where the knock had come from. “Yes?”
“Can I come in for a minute, Ruth?” It was Carter’s voice, slightly muffled by the connecting door between their rooms.
“Oh. Yeah. Sure.”
“Sorry to bother you,” he said, taking one step into the room. He’d obviously taken a shower too. She could smell soap from all the way on the bed, and he wore a pair of gray pajama pants and a white undershirt.
“It’s fine. Did you need something?”
“I wanted to make sure you’re all right.” It was dark in the room except for the light from the television, so she couldn’t see his expression very well. But his eyes were clearly focused on her face.
“I’m fine.” She was pleased that she sounded light and casual. “I told you I had everything I need.”
“I know. But it felt like...” He took a few steps closer, obviously trying to see her better. “It felt like something was wrong. I was worried. Are you sure you’re okay with everything?”
Of course he’d noticed something was wrong. Why the hell couldn’t he be clueless and self-focused like most of the other men she’d spent time with in her life? She smiled at him brightly. “I’m fine. I’d tell you if I wasn’t. I’m not actually all that good at keeping things to myself.”
He smiled. It felt like he was relaxing slightly. “Okay. It just felt like something was wrong.”
He didn’t ask the question again, but it was clear that he wanted an explanation for her weird mood before they’d said good night earlier.
She lay back down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling as she thought through how she should respond. She didn’t normally guard her words that way, but this was important. Carter was important. She didn’t want to blow things with him by blurting out something stupid. “I don’t know. I guess maybe I... I feel kind of bad sometimes. Your mom is so sweet, and she seems so happy that we’re... that she thinks we’re in love. I don’t know.”
Carter came all the way over to the bed. “Can I sit down?” he asked.
“Of course.” She scooted over to make room for him to sit on the edge of the bed.
When he did, he turned to gaze down at her, his expression thoughtful and sober. “I’ve been feeling a little bad too. They’re all so happy for me, and they like you so much.”
“It’s probably more the idea of me than me myself.”
“No. They love you.” He sighed. “Maybe this whole plan was stupid and selfish. Maybe I never should have let us do it. I just wanted...”
“I know what you wanted.” She’d forgotten about her own worries and insecurities in the face of Carter’s internal conflict. “I completely understand that you needed them to see you moving on. And it can still work. I mean, they might be disappointed, but you won’t be genuinely crushed when we break up, so they’ll probably understand that you weren’t as in love with me as they thought. They’ll see you moving on, so the pressure will be off you. People break up all the time. They’ll understand. And maybe it will free Summer and Lincoln from that guilt they still feel.”
“Yeah. And it’s too late now anyway. Even if we call it off now, they’d still go through the same disappointment, so we might as well stretch it out until Christmas like we originally planned.” He was fiddling with the covers