it seemed to me now that the fewer the people who knew about our suspicions, the safer . . . for them.
'What's wrong with him?'
'I don't know.'
'Does Leigh?'
'No. Not for sure. We have . . . some suspicions.'
'Do you want to talk about them?'
'Yes. In a way I do. But I think it would be better if I didn't.'
'All right,' he said. 'For now.'
He swept the floor. The sound of the hard bristles on the concrete was almost hypnotic.
'And maybe you had better talk to Arnie before too much longer.'
'Yeah. I was thinking about that.' But it wasn't an interview I looked forward to.
There was another period of silence. Dad finished sweeping and then glanced around. 'Looks pretty good, huh?'
'Great, Dad.'
He smiled a little sadly and lit a Winston. Since his heart attack he had given the butts up almost completely, but kept a pack around, and every now and then he'd have one - usually when he felt under stress. 'Bullshit. It looks empty as hell.'
'Well . . . yeah.'
'You want a hand upstairs, Dennis?'
I got my crutches under me. 'I wouldn't turn it down.' He looked at me and snickered. 'Long John Silver. All you need is the parrot.'
'Are you going to stand there giggling or give me a hand?'
'Give you a hand, I guess.'
I slung an arm over his shoulder, feeling somehow like a little kid again - it brought back almost forgotten memories of him carrying me upstairs to bed on Sunday nights, after I started to doze off halfway through the Ed Sullivan Show. The smell of his aftershave was just the same.
At the top he said, 'Step on me if I'm getting too personal, Denny, but Leigh's not going with Arnie anymore, is she.'
'No, Dad.'
'Is she going with you? '
'I . . . well, I don't really know. I guess not.'
'Not yet, you mean.'
'Well - yeah, I guess so.' I was starting to feel uncomfortable, and it must have showed, but he pushed on anyway.
'Would it be fair to say that maybe she broke it off with Arnie because he wasn't the same person anymore?'
'Yes. I think that would be fair to say.'
'Does he know about you and Leigh?'
'Dad, there's nothing to know . . . at least, not yet. He cleared his throat, seemed to consider, and then said nothing. I let go of him and worked at getting my crutches under me. I worked a little harder at it than I had to, maybe.
'I'll give you a little gratuitous advice,' my father said finally. 'Don't let him know what's between you and her - and never mind the protestations that there isn't anything. You're trying to help him some way, aren't you?'
'I don't know if there's anything either Leigh or I can do for Arnie, Dad.'
'I've seen him two or three times,' my father said.
'You have?' I said, startled. 'Where?'
My father shrugged. 'On the street. Downtown. You know. Libertyville's-not that big, Dennis. He . . . '
'He what?'
'Hardly seemed to recognize me. And he looks older. Now that his face has cleared, he looks much older. I used to think he took after his father, but now - ' He broke off suddenly. 'Dennis, has it occurred to you that Arnie may be having some sort of nervous breakdown.'
'Yes,' I said, and only wished I could have told him that there were other possibilities. Worse ones. Possibilities that would have made my old man wonder if I was the one having a nervous breakdown.
'You be careful,' he said, and although he didn't mention what had happened to Will Darnell, I suddenly felt strongly that he was thinking of it. 'You be careful, Dennis.'
Leigh called me on the telephone the next day and said her father was being called away to Los Angeles on year-end business and had proposed, on the spur of the moment, that they all go along with him and get away from the cold and the snow.
'My mother was crazy about the idea, and I just couldn't think of any plausible reason to say no,' she said. 'It's only ten days, and school doesn't start again until January 8th.' 'It sounds great,' I said. 'Have fun out there.'
'You think I should go?'
'If you don't, you ought to have your head examined.'
'Dennis?'
'What?'
Her voice dropped a little. 'You'll be careful won't you? I . . . well, I've been thinking about you a lot lately.'
She hung up then, leaving me feeling surprised and warm - but the guilt remained, fading a