back pocket of his patented old man's pants. But his face was still bleak. Very bleak.
'Well, that's that,' he said hoarsely. 'I'm shot of her, sonny.'
'MrLeBay,' I said. 'I only wish my friend could make the same statement. If you knew the trouble he was in over that rustbucket with his folks - '
'Get out of here,' he said, 'You sound like a goddam sheep. Just baa, baa, baa, that's all I hear comin out'n your hole. I think your friend there knows more than you do. Go and see if he needs a hand.'
I started down the lawn to my car. I didn't want to hang around LeBay a moment longer.
'Nothin but baa, baa, baa!' he yelled shrewishly after me, making me think of that old song by the Youngbloods - I am a one-note man, I play it all I can 'You don't know half as much as you think you do!'
I got into my car and drove away. I glanced back once as I made the turn onto Martin Street and saw him standing there on his lawn, the sunlight gleaming on his bald head.
As things turned out, he was right.
I didn't know half as much as I thought I did.
PART I: DENNIS - TEENAGE CAR-SONG Chapter 5 HOW WE GOT TO DARNELL'S
I got a '34 wagon and we call it a woody,
You know she's not very cherry,
She's an oldy but a goody . . .
- Jan and Dean
I drove down Martin to Walnut and turned right, toward Basin Drive. It didn't take long to catch up with Arnie. He was pulled into the kerb, and Christine's boot-lid was up. An automobile jack so old that it almost looked as if it might once have been used for changing wheels on Conestoga wagons was leaning against the crooked back bumper. The right rear tyre was flat.
I pulled in behind him and had no more than gotten out when a young woman waddled down towards us from her house, skirting a pretty good collection of plastic-fantastic that was planted on her lawn (two pink flamingos, four or five little stone ducks in a line behind a big stone mother duck, and a really good plastic wishing well with plastic flowers planted in the plastic bucket). She was in dire need of Weight Watchers.
'You can't leave that junk here,' she said around a mouthful of chewing gum. 'You can't leave that junk parked in front of our house, I just hope you know that.'
'Ma'am,' Arnie said. 'I had a flat tyre, is all. I'll get it out of here just as soon as - '
'You can't leave it there and I hope you know that,' she said with a maddening kind of circularity. 'My husband'Il be home pretty soon. He don't want no junk car in front of the house.'
'It's not junk,' Arnie said, and something in his tone made her back up a step.
'You don't want to take that tone of voice to me, sonny this overweight be-bop queen said haughtily. 'It don't take much to get my husband mad.'
'Look,' Arnie began in that same dangerous flat voice he had used when Michael and Regina began ganging up on him. I grabbed his shoulder hard. More hassle we didn't need.
'Thanks, ma'am,' I said. 'We'll get it taken care of right away. We're going to take care of it so quick you'll think you hallucinated this car.'
'You better,' she said, and then hooked a thumb at my Duster. 'And your car is parked in front of my driveway.'
I backed my Duster up. She watched and then joggled back up to her house, where a little boy and a little girl were crammed into the doorway. They were pretty porky, too. Each of them was eating a nice nourishing Devil Dog.
'Wassa matta, ma?' the little boy asked. 'Wassa matta that man's car, Ma? Wassa matta?'
'Shut up,' the be-bop queen said, and hauled both kids back inside. I always like to see enlightened parents like that; it gives me hope for the future.
I walked back to Arnie.
'Well,' I said, dragging out the only witticism I could think of, 'it's only flat on the bottom, Arnie. Right?'
He smiled wanly. 'I got a slight problem, Dennis,' he said.
I knew what his problem was; he had no spare Arnie dragged out his wallet again - it hurt me to see him do it - and looked inside. 'I got to get a new tyre,' he said.