“I know you think you can. That isn’t quite the same thing.” He turned probing, hawk-like eyes on her. “Now stop avoiding the question and tell me what happened.”
Saber stared sightlessly out the window. It almost made her resentful that she was going to tell him. She didn’t want to, but for some reason she seemed to tell him anything he asked. Worse, she never felt uncomfortable with him afterward. She was definitely getting too close-and that meant she had to leave him.
Leave him? Where had that come from? Her stomach dropped out from under her and her heart did a strange little flip that was very alarming.
“Stop sticking your obstinate little chin out, Saber; it always means you’re about to become stubborn. I don’t know why you bother, since you always tell me what I want to know in the end.”
“Maybe I don’t think it’s any of your business.” She said it decisively, pretending she felt no guilt.
“It’s my business if you have to call me out at two thirty in the morning when one of your lowlife boyfriends dumps you out on the street.”
Instantly Saber’s temper flared to life. “Hey, I’m sorry I bothered you,” she said belligerently, because the way he made her feel was scaring the hell out of her. “If you want me to, I’ll get out of your precious van right now.”
He sent her a long, mocking, ice-cold stare. “You can try, sweetheart, but I can guarantee you won’t make it.” His voice gentled, became a velvet caress, smoothing over her skin and sending a current of electricity snaking through her bloodstream. “Stop being your usual contrary self and tell me why he dumped you.”
“I wouldn’t sleep with him,” she muttered in a low voice.
“Run it by me again, baby, this time looking at me,” he suggested silkily.
Saber heaved a sigh. “I wouldn’t go to bed with him,” she repeated.
There was a long silence while he opened the security gate by punching a code into the remote control opener and maneuvered the van down the long winding drive and into the large garage.
Jess, using his heavily muscled arms, hoisted himself into his waiting chair. His electric one, Saber noticed. “Come on, honey,” his voice was so unexpectedly gentle she found herself blinking back burning tears. “You can ride on my lap.”
Saber managed a small smile, although her gaze skittered away from his all-seeing eyes as she curled up, snuggling against his chest, drawing comfort from his presence. He was as hard as a rock. Her bottom slid over the large bulge in his lap, sending a thousand wings beating against the walls of her stomach. She sat on him all the time, and he was always hard. Always erect. There were times when she desperately wanted to do something about that-like now-but she didn’t dare change their arrangement. And it wasn’t as if it were all for her. She wished it was, but he never once made a move on her. Not one.
Jess could feel the trembling of her slender body. His hand brushed the pulse beating so frantically at the base of her throat. For a moment his arms closed protectively around her, his chin resting on the top of her silky head. She had to feel the monster of a hard-on, but she never said a word, simply slid her bottom over him and settled down as if she fit there perfectly. If she could ignore the damned thing, so could he.
“Are you sure you’re all right, Saber?” he asked quietly.
She nodded, making a little sound of affirmation, muffled against the broad expanse of his chest.
The wheelchair was locked in place, the lift lowering them to the ground. Normally, Jess preferred his lightweight racing chair. He propelled it manually, maneuvering it with ease, liking the exercise, the control, the freedom to play. But at the moment, he was grateful for his larger, heavier electric chair. It left his arms free to cradle Saber against him. She seemed a little lost tonight, very vulnerable, and she rarely showed him that side of her. Saber preferred humor to anything else and used it often as a barrier between herself and the rest of the world.
Once in the house, he took them straight through to the darkened living room. His hand tangled in her hair, fingers massaging her scalp, easing the tension out of her.
“So facing me was preferable to sleeping with this bum, hmm?” he teased gently.
She turned her face up to his. “I would never sleep with someone I wasn’t in love with.” And she wouldn’t either. She was going to live her life to the best of her ability. She was going to make friends, have causes, know what fun was. And damn it all, just once, just one time, she was going to know real love. When that time came she’d give that man her body, because she wouldn’t have anything else to give him.
“You never told me that. You mean all these idiots you date…”
She sat up abruptly, would have jumped from his lap, but his arms came up to circle her slender form, effectively holding her prisoner. She glared at him, furious. “Is that what you’ve been thinking of me all this time?” she demanded. “You think I just go to bed with anyone at all?”
Actual tears sparkled in her eyes, tugging at his heart. “Of course not, angel face.”
“You’re such a liar, Jess.” She shoved at the solid wall of his chest again. “Let go of me. I mean it. Right now.”
“Not like this, Saber. We’ve never had a fight before and I don’t want to start now.”
For a moment she stayed stiff, holding herself away from him, but she couldn’t stay angry with Jess. With a small sigh, Saber lay back against him, the tension draining out of her. His arms were the only place she ever felt safe. The darkness was everywhere, waiting, watching. She could almost hear it breathing, waiting for her to climb the stairs and go to her lonely room.
She couldn’t remember clearly the first time Jess had pulled her onto his lap, probably after one of his outrageous races, but it had always been the same. The moment his arms closed around her, she felt as if she never wanted to leave. Maybe that was why she’d allowed their relationship to go so far. It was why she’d stayed too long and taken too many chances. She couldn’t bear the thought of walking away from him, and that made her just plain stupid.
“So, are you going to hide from me or are you going to accept my apology?” His chin rubbed the top of her hair.
“If that’s the way you apologize,” she sniffed indignantly, “I’m not sure I will ever forgive you. I don’t like what you think of me.”