“We want you with us, Tansy,” Sharon said, and now worry had crept into her voice.
“I love it up here,” Tansy explained. “I know you don’t understand, Mom . . .”
Don laughed and Tansy knew he was trying to cover for her mother. “She doesn’t even like to camp in an RV, Tansy. There’s no way she can understand how you want to live in the wild without all the amenities of a five star hotel.”
Her father had taken her camping often over the years, but her mother had found excuse after excuse not to go with them. Tansy had been about ten years old before she realized her mother hadn’t wanted to come along with them and that her excuses weren’t real. Tansy, like her father, loved camping, and those summers had prepared her for her current work.
“I just don’t like you being so alone all the time,” Sharon said, forcing a brightness back into her voice.
“Mom,” she assured her, “this is good for me. I don’t have all the craziness out here. I can’t be around people, you know that—it’s dangerous for me.”
There was a small silence. She heard her mother choke and knew she was holding back tears. Tansy wasn’t normal. She would never be normal, and her mother loved her and wanted desperately for her to be able to be like other women. To get married, have a family. It was all her mother had ever wanted for her. Sharon had never been able to give birth to biological children. She’d adopted Tansy and wanted for her all the things she couldn’t have herself.
“Are you certain, Tansy?” Sharon asked. “I can’t help you when you’re so far away. I don’t know that you’re healthy and happy. Are you? Are you really, Tansy?”
This time the break in her voice was very apparent, and Tansy’s heart clenched tightly. “It’s all right, Mom. I’m all right,” she said softly. “I’m happy here. I’m productive. I’m able to make a good living at this and I really love it. My mind feels clean and clear out here.”
“I just don’t want you to be alone all your life,” Sharon said. “I want you to find someone, and be loved by him the way your father loves me.”
Tansy pressed her fingers to her eyes. She was exhausted, and even over the distance, even with radio waves, she heard the pain and disappointment in her mother’s voice—not at her, she knew that. But on her behalf.
“I love both of you,” Don said firmly. “And for now, that’s more than enough, isn’t it, Tansy-girl?”
Of course she wanted a husband and children, but she knew it was impossible. She’d accepted that and so had her father. Love for him, for his ability to understand how truly flawed she was and yet love her anyway, poured over her.
“Absolutely, Dad,” she agreed, meaning it. “I’m really happy, Mom. And I’m not ill, even the headaches are gone.”
“Completely?” Don asked, shock and hope in his voice.
Tansy smiled, happy to be able to tell the truth. “Absolutely, Dad.” And thank you for all the nights you sat up with me when I couldn’t sleep, she added silently.
“That’s wonderful, dear.” Sharon’s voice was packed with relief.
“Do you need us to send more supplies? I’ll get one of our pilots to make the drop.”
“I’ll make a list and give it to you tomorrow. I need sleep now. I was up all night.”
“Take care, Tansy,” her mother said, her voice back to normal, once again upbeat and happy, as if by using her bubbliest tone, she could bolster Tansy. “If you don’t come back soon, your father and I will be on your doorstep.”
Don snorted and Tansy burst out laughing. “Okay, Mom. Just another few weeks and I’ll be home.” She made kissing noises and signed off, feeling very lucky and grateful that Don and Sharon were her parents.
She had always felt loved by them, even though she was so different. She’d always been different. As a baby she detested touching objects. Even dinnerware and utensils were enough to set her off, crying and rocking, so distressed that her parents would take turns comforting her, walking her up and down, singing to her. School had been a nightmare for her, and in the end, they had hired private tutors—which had broken her mother’s heart.
Tansy sighed. She had so wanted to be that girl her mother could share her life with. The proms, the late night gossip sessions, the wonderful fairy tale wedding—her mother would never have that, and Tansy wanted it for her, just as her mother wanted that life for Tansy.
Finally, after months in a hospital, she’d realized she couldn’t be that girl—would never be that girl. She’d accepted herself for who she really was, flaws and all, and she’d managed to make a new life for herself. She was content, even happy, here in the wilderness.
Tansy powered off the radio and started down the trail leading to the natural pool. The hike to the basin was long and winding, but she was very familiar with it and could go fairly fast in spite of the roughness of the terrain. The rock formation was part of the reason she’d chosen this area as her base camp. The falls were beautiful, flowing down a series of smooth rocks to a natural pool below. The swimming hole was lined with rock, so it stayed clean, and it was surrounded with flat granite, so she had plenty of room to sun herself. The basin was the perfect place to spend a lazy afternoon after being up all night working.
Tansy liked to sleep in the morning, bathe in the pool, and then catch a couple of hours of sun in the afternoon before returning to her camp and preparing for another evening’s shoot. As a rule, mountain lions had a large territory, the females often covered fifty square miles, but the female was staying close to her small cave, and Tansy was absolutely certain that she was about to give birth any day. She didn’t want to miss her opportunity, or let the female get away from her. She’d heard of cougars changing dens at the last moment, and she needed to be watching the pregnant cat closely.
Tansy stretched out, trying to get comfortable on the smooth granite surface. Ordinarily, after a long night without sleep, she dropped right off in the afternoon sun. She tried to tell herself she was excited over her pictures, the months of work finally paying off. The truth was, since the moment that helicopter had flown overhead, she’d had a vague feeling of uneasiness, as if a storm were gathering off in the distance and heading her way. The premonition persisted and was so strong, she lifted her head to search the sky for a sign of ominous, dark clouds.
A lazy hawk floated in the cloudless sky, catching a thermal and riding it just for fun. Tansy laid her head against her arm and rubbed her cheek back and forth in a soothing gesture. It was crazy, but she felt as if she were being hunted. The area was secluded, restricted without a permit, well posted, impassable except on foot or, in winter, with snowshoes. The helicopter had shaken her more than she wanted to admit.
“Let it go,” she whispered aloud.
She closed her eyes tiredly, searching for the inner contentment she always found after a great shoot. No one else could have gotten those pictures. Well, very few. She had a way with animals, as her mother had said. If she willed something in her head, oftentimes she could get the animal to cooperate, even the most feral. She had it all: the perfect job, the wild terrain, and the peace the mountains always managed to give her. This was the life she chose, loved. More, this was the life she needed. No human contact whatsoever. At last she’d found a place she could be happy.