He was sickened by her actions. By Daratrazanoff’s actions. But mostly, he was sickened by his own. Never in centuries of living had he stooped so low. No one deserved what he had done to her, least of all his lifemate. His despicable actions only served to show him how far gone he truly was. She might deserve the justice of his people, certainly what she’d done was punishable by death, but not this.
He inhaled her scent, her amazing fragrance, and then he dropped his hands and stepped back, clothing her and releasing her at the same time. She sank to the ground, wrapping her arms around herself, her hair in disarray, her beautiful gray eyes swimming with tears, but still glaring defiantly.
“Do your worst,” she hissed.
He bowed to her, a low courtly bow. “I apologize for my behavior.”
“I could put a stake through your heart and not even think twice,” she spat. “You controlled me. Forced me.”
He nodded, taking another step back. She wasn’t safe. He wasn’t safe. No one was. “I have not felt any emotion in over a thousand years. Longer. Much longer. It is no excuse, but being so close to the undead, walking that edge and then finding you, the woman I . . .” He broke off. Shook his head. “I fear I could not see anything beyond your treachery. On the next rising, I give you my word, you will walk out of here a free woman. I will leave you now and no one will harm you. Seek the ground in one of the unoccupied buildings. Do not take a chance on open ground.”
Gabrielle studied his face. He sounded like he meant what he said and hope blossomed. She licked her lips, trying to stop the strange reluctance blooming along with the hope she felt. “If you mean what you say, why not allow me to leave now? The others are still close by. I would be escorted to safety.”
He sent her a quelling look. One of disgust. Almost a sneer. Gabrielle didn’t want to feel it, but she did. That look hurt. The look made her feel guilty when she had nothing to feel guilty over. He was still holding her prisoner. Gary and the others were still outside the gates. He just had to open them and she would be free.
“I have lived my life in honor. I will not allow one such as you, so deceitful, a selfish Carpathian woman who is willing to force her lifemate to choose between dishonor and death, to have her way. You know what that bond is and still, you broke it. I am far too close to darkness to watch you go to him. You can wait one rising. I will walk into the sun, and you can go to ground satisfied that I will no longer keep you and your lover apart.”
Gabrielle stared up into his face. She could see the sorrow in him. She felt it, a great weight pressing down on her. She felt the centuries there, centuries of darkness. Of loneliness. Of a barren, cold world without color, emotions, family or caring. He had endured all of that. At the end there was . . . nothing. Nothing but Gabrielle. Nothing but a woman who didn’t want him.
She saw that there in his eyes. In the lines carved in his face. That knowledge shamed her, even as she sought to excuse herself. She wasn’t Carpathian. She was in love with another man, and she had been for a long time. She didn’t know the first thing about lifemates, only what she’d observed. When she was working in the laboratory, they talked work. Since she’d been converted, no one had given her any advice. She felt human, not Carpathian.
She knew the rudiments. She could shift, which she rarely did. But she couldn’t feed. Someone always provided for her. She slept above ground and someone always opened it after she fell asleep and before she awakened. She wasn’t really Carpathian. Still, all that aside, she felt a deep sorrow in him and she had a terrible inkling of what could happen if she left. She didn’t know what exactly, but there was something about the set of his shoulders. The mask on his face.
He turned away from her. For some insane reason she didn’t understand, she couldn’t let him just walk away.
“He isn’t my lover. He’s never been my lover. I don’t have lovers.” She blurted the truth out in a low voice. So low it was a mere thread of sound.
He turned back to her slowly. His eyes found hers. Searching. She knew he didn’t believe her. His face could have been carved from stone, but his eyes were alive with contempt. That shamed her more.
“Do not speak. It is best that no more lies come from your mouth. I am uncertain how strong I am. You . . .” He trailed off and shook his head, turning away from her a second time.
She tightened her arms around her middle, terrified her churning stomach would let loose and she’d be sick everywhere right in front of him. She had no idea why it was important to her he knew she wasn’t lying to him.
“I’m not lying. I’ve worked in a laboratory and I get caught up in my research. I’ve never had time for relationships. Or the inclination. I’ve never had a lover.”
Gabrielle bit down on her lower lip. She bit down so hard she actually drew blood, all the while fighting the desire to run from him—or from herself. Suddenly she was terrified. Terrified of herself. Of what was inside of her. What Gary kept at bay. It was right there in her stomach, rising up, reaching out, threatening to consume her. She gasped, and he turned again, his frown deep as his burning gaze took her in.
Aleksei noted the drop of blood on her lip. He wanted to lick it off. Kiss her better. He couldn’t help but see the way her arms held her midsection tight. He felt the need to go to her and hold her gently. She appeared the epitome of a woman in distress. More, her voice rang with truth.
She also appeared lost, and in spite of himself, in spite of the danger, he couldn’t help the sudden surge of emotion for her. His lifemate. He had vowed to put her happiness before his own. She had betrayed him, but he had retaliated in a way that was far, far beneath him.
“I believe you.” Clearly it was important to her to give her that. Still, it changed nothing. She wanted another man. She’d refused him. She’d made it clear she despised him. The choices were still the same, and she wasn’t in a frame of mind to share her body with him. Without completing their binding, he wouldn’t make it through the rising. “Thank you for that.” He turned away again. Each time was much more difficult, but he knew it was the right thing to do.
“Please. Just wait. You can’t do what you’re thinking of doing.” Her voice shook.
Aleksei closed his eyes. He had to get away from her. From her scent. From the intimate knowledge he had of her body. He had time to think. To process. A lifemate was about caring. About having a home. A family. Someone to love you as you loved her. To take you as you were. Accept you. This woman wanted no part of that. She kept reaching out to him, but there was nothing there for him. He couldn’t look at her again. She was asking too much of him.
“It is too dangerous for me to stay and talk.” And truthfully, there was no reason. There was nothing else to say. “I will get Fane to come to you. He will watch over you until the others go to ground.” His voice was gruff. He could hear the growl coming close to the surface and he swallowed it down. He was close. Too close. “It is best you go to ground immediately to be safe. Next rising, walk out of here. Fane will open the gates for you.”
He heard movement and then she was right there, stepping in front of him, blocking his way. He kept walking and she was forced to step back, her hands out, coming into contact with his chest.
“Stop. You have to give me a minute. You’re not letting me even think,” Gabrielle said. “You can’t just tell me calmly you’re going to commit suicide and then walk away. That’s not right.”
“What is not right is my lifemate choosing another man over me,” he said quietly. “This is dangerous to both of us. I refuse to lose my honor. Without you, I cannot live. You know that. Your duty was to me. You refused. You chose another.”
“Stop saying that. Stop thinking that.” Gabrielle caught his shirt desperately. “You aren’t listening.”
“You are not saying anything.”