“No. I mean all the time. Every minute of every day. I’m so used to being afraid that it’s a part of me, of who I am. Fear is inside me. In my skin. In my blood.”
They were coming up to a building that looked like it could be a modern day Internet café, when everything else around them looked a little old world to her. He stopped right in front of the wide windows and turned her to him, his arms settling around her back, drawing her close to him, her front pressed to his. Everything else dropped away but the awareness of his hard body tight against her soft one.
“I am well aware of your fears, Teagan, but you are not afraid when you are with me. Not even when you shifted and took flight. You trusted me to look after you. You gave yourself to me and I take that seriously. You are safe with me. You always will be.”
His lips brushed the top of her hair and she felt the sensation go all the way to her toes. She wasn’t as afraid, which was kind of shocking because she hadn’t known him that long. But she knew absolutely he would lay down his life for her, this man who had spent centuries alone.
“Don’t ever let yourself be fooled, Andre, I can freeze in a heartbeat and dissolve into hysterical tears.”
“I have seen this in your memories.”
He didn’t sound in the least perturbed. Instead, he used that low, sexy voice that tended to slip inside her skin and wrap around her heart.
“But, Teagan, you always, always recover quickly and finish whatever you are doing. You overcome your fears.”
She shook her head. “The fear is there, I overcome the panic.” She felt compelled to tell the strict truth even though his statement sent a rush of warmth through her veins.
Andre tipped her chin up so her eyes met his. “And that is just another beautiful, courageous trait I love in you.”
He dipped his head to hers, brushed his lips over hers gently. Tenderly. She felt that touch almost as deeply as if he’d kissed her hard, with lots of tongue. Her entire body reacted. Her mind. Even her heart fluttered. She stared up at him a little dazed as he lifted his head.
“You belong to me, csitri, and that means every vow I made to you, I keep. That means I take care of you. No one hurts you. Not ever. Not physically and not emotionally. Now, call your grandmother, Teagan. You need to tell her you have met someone. Tell her you will be bringing me home.”
She didn’t like anyone telling her what to do. Not ever. But having him declare with absolute honesty, with such conviction, that he would stand for her, protect her, and she knew he would, felt good. No. It felt great.
“When should I say we’re coming home?” She couldn’t believe he would actually move to the United States with her. She bit her lip. Maybe she was reading him wrong. Maybe it was a visit. She didn’t want a visit. She wanted to be close to her grandmother and sisters. She wanted to see her nephews and nieces grow up. If she was now like Andre, did that mean her entire family, generation after generation would grow old and die and she wouldn’t?
Teagan raised her eyes to his once again, tears close. “I haven’t asked you a lot of questions about what my future holds, mostly because I was so upset and I need time to process, but will I have the same longevity you have, Andre?”
His arm tightened around her waist, holding her even closer as if he could give her strength. “Yes, sivamet.”
“My entire family will die?”
“That is the natural cycle of life, Teagan. Most likely you were going to lose your grandmother and sisters before you died. They are older than you.”
She bit her lip harder, shaking her head. “But not the children. I’ll have to see them die as well, won’t I? And their children?” It was suddenly difficult to breathe. Her throat felt raw and her heart accelerated.
He didn’t reply right away. She leaned into his strength. His warmth. His arms, surrounding her, felt good.
“Living in my world, there are really wonderful things as well as drawbacks. Just as there are in any world. I will see to your happiness, Teagan. Always. You will have the privilege of seeing future generations if you so wish. The descendants of your sisters. We will of course travel and have new identities every so many years, but you can go back when you need to in order to see your relatives.”
She tried to push away the idea of her family members dying over and over and her having to watch it.
“How do you do it?”
“I am not human and I have never come to love humans after I lost those I considered family. The idea of leading a vampire to anyone I cared about was too soul-destroying, so it was easier to just avoid them.”
She closed her eyes and leaned her head against his chest. She hadn’t meant to bring up something that was so traumatic.
His hand cupped the back of her head, his fingers sliding into her hair. “Csitri, that was a long time ago, long before you were ever born.”
“But I brought the sorrow back to you. The guilt you really don’t deserve to feel. It’s all new and raw just as if it happened yesterday.” She tilted her face up to look at him. “I’m in your mind, too.”
“I can shield you,” he offered. “There is no need for you to feel the emotions from so long ago.”
“Don’t you dare, Andre. I know you protect me, but I want to give you the same thing back. If you’re my man, then I have that right.”
His eyebrow shot up and a slow frown darkened his face. A little shiver crept down her spine. He didn’t look happy.