“I really am going crazy. At least my illusion is a very hot man with a sexy accent, and not some vampire who wants to suck my blood and make me into a crazed, bloodsucking monster, and have me sleep in dirt or a coffin filled with dirt,” she whispered aloud.
She needed to get back on track and find the stone that would not only cure her grandmother, but cure her as well. She had crossed the path once, thought it was in the cave, but she knew she’d taken a wrong turn.
It was entirely possible that there was something in the cave that caused hallucinations. That seemed a likely explanation, although she was out of the cave, but with every step she took away from it, she felt a terrible weight pressing down on her. Sorrow built. Andre was dead. She knew it. She had to go back. She couldn’t go on. Not without him.
Teagan found her face wet, and this time it had nothing to do with the sun. She touched her face and looked at the smear of tears on her finger. Definitely time for another illusion, like his voice. Of course it didn’t come. Illusions didn’t work that way.
She pushed herself to keep walking back to the point where she’d first felt the tuning in her body toward the stone or gem she needed. She was cautious. She did her best to stay low to keep some cover around her. She continuously scanned the mountain below her for any movement. She didn’t want a surprise visit from Armend’s friends or the wolves that had killed him.
That brought her up short. If Andre was an illusion born of something in the cave, did that mean Armend was still alive and hunting her? The thought made her shiver and she nearly turned back, but if she went back, she’d be inside the cave where the origins of the trickeries began. Was it possible that the shield had been designed to keep people out of the cave so they wouldn’t get caught in the delusions?
Worse, what if Andre wasn’t an illusion, but real, and he’d been caught in the cave and couldn’t get out? She bit hard on her lip. She just couldn’t stop thinking about him, no matter how hard she tried. The harder she pushed him away, the stronger the compulsion became to see him.
“I have to think of something else entirely or I really will lose my mind,” she muttered. She was nearly to the spot where she’d found the trail of the stone. Now, she wasn’t certain she should try to find it. The sun was beginning to dip in the sky, and she had to occupy her mind to keep it away from thoughts of Andre. Clearly, thinking about Andre was insanity.
She looked up rather than down the narrow path. The mountain range wasn’t particularly suited to bouldering and she was far from any well-known climbing crags. There was no mention of this area in the climbing circles, but the sides of the cliff jutted out in places and a few larger boulders butted up to the mountain, or were a part of it.
Once she focused on a climbing problem, the rest of the world dropped away and that was the only thing in her mind. Climbing was a form of escape to her, a place she could go and no one else could follow. Of course, she did climb with friends and they shared beta—information—with one another and encouraged one another, but for her, once she focused on a new problem, that pushed everything else out of her brain and her mind became still.
She needed her mind to be still. Right now, even with spotting a potential climb, her mind kept reaching out to Andre—trying to tune itself to his—but she found only emptiness. A void. Silence.
She tried calling to him mind to mind. Andre. I’m going a little crazy here. I’d appreciate an answer. Something. Anything from you.
It was crazy to reach out, to expect an answer, but she needed him. She needed to know he was real. The connection was so strong. That didn’t make any more sense than her grief, especially when she no longer was certain whether or not Andre was real. If he wasn’t, and she’d been hallucinating, then that meant Armend was still alive and was looking for her. If Armend was looking for her, she was nuts to be out in the open, bouldering. If he was dead, she had to tell the authorities.
Andre felt real to her, more real than Armend. She was certainly more concerned about him. She couldn’t understand the need to rush back to the cave and see if he was there or not. Check on his heartbeat. She should have checked to make certain he was breathing. Grief filled her again, pressed down on her chest until she could barely breathe herself. Once sorrow got ahold of her, she couldn’t make it go away.
She had to stop. There was only one way to keep from rushing back to the cave, or worse, throwing herself over the cliff. Her gaze went up, searching. She knew exactly what she was looking for and she spotted a boulder about seventeen feet high. It butted up against the mountainside just to the left of her position and looked interesting.
This part of the Carpathian Mountains wasn’t known for limestone, it was too high up, although the gorges were cut deep throughout the entire area, and she was just a little shocked to see that part of the rock behind the boulder, showing through the dirt and small grasses growing out of cracks, looked from a distance like limestone.
She took a deep breath and forced her mind into that place that was hers alone, where nothing else could touch her. Climbing. She needed full concentration in order to work through the problems. There was no room for error. No room for any other thought. She let the face of the cliff consume her mind.
Teagan took another careful look around for safety and then made her way slowly toward the boulder. It was taller then she first thought, beautiful, with an almost vertical face. Midway up the vertical face, the boulder jutted out fairly far into a striking roof. Limestone . . . a mix of grays, blues and pearly white. She took a moment to take in the sight of it. So perfect just sitting there waiting to be climbed. The desire to climb it was strong. Her eyes devoured the rock looking for the easiest way up.
She then inspected the ground. She didn’t have a crash pad with her and if she fell, which was possible—even probable—when bouldering, she didn’t want to break something. Of course there was no avoiding it, she would have to go over the roof and then falling wouldn’t be an option anymore. The ground felt soft and had a lot of give to it. There were a few small rocks beneath the boulder, but she tossed them out of the way, all the while looking up at the shining surface of the rock.
She stepped back, frowning, trying to make out a sequence up the face and assessing risk. The start looked somewhat challenging, with only a couple of small crimps and tiny footholds. The next hold was pretty high up, but with a little dynamic power she was certain she could stick the big pinch and then maybe throw a heel hook to gain the sloper. Definitely the crux would be sticking that next sloper, but the heel should make it solid. A little committing with no pad, but at least all the hard moves seemed to be at the base. It looked significantly easier after that. In fact, the roof appeared to have plenty of large hand and footholds. She just hoped it was solid and not hollow up there.
Limestone had a rough, almost sandy feel to it. Often, when climbing, she took the skin off her fingers, but there was something about the texture that called to her. She liked limestone. The stone itself could be used for enhancing other healing stones. The properties in limestone were centering and positive. Climbing limestone always made her feel better.
Teagan decided to go up the down climb and investigate further. She couldn’t have asked for a better down climb. The boulder nested next to the mountainside, almost as if it was part of the cliff edge creating an easy and safe walk off. Upon looking down from on top of the boulder she saw that there was indeed a series of juggy holds going up from the roof. Definitely the hard part was over at that point. Relief and excitement flooded her. It was the best she could have hoped for. Falling from there would be rather unlikely and to her it was an acceptable risk. She made sure to clear off the little bit of debris she found and brushed off some of the top out holds she could reach from above with her climbing brush.
After making her way back to solid ground, Teagan sat down to put on her climbing shoes. Not much to look at, the once vibrant yellow leather was now quite faded, but the sticky rubber soles were new from a recent resole and the webbing for the Velcro straps had also been replaced with some bright orange webbing that stood out in sharp contrast. The talon shape of the toe box and thick reinforced heel spoke of her love of overhang climbing, and while they weren’t the best shoes for vertical or slab climbing, they were her comfort shoes and ones she reached for the most often with disregard to the climbing terrain. They were dirty, smelly, and to the average person looked two sizes too small for her feet, but she loved them like a best friend and once warmed up they fit her perfectly.
Teagan shook her head. Her mind beginning to wander to Andre in spite of her best efforts to keep herself focused. The moment she allowed him into her head, he consumed her just as much—if not more—than the climbing did. Sorrow pressed down until she was crushed under the weight of it. Grief was all too real. She choked on it, and before she could stop herself, she actually had a foot on the trail, as if she could run back to the cave and either make him real, or save him.
She forced her body under control and then her mind. She was strong. Whatever hallucination had taken hold of her in that cave had to end before she lost her mind completely. She was going to make herself crazy by allowing herself to think about Andre. She had to shut him out. She just needed a few quiet moments to relax with something that totally consumed her, totally occupied her brain. She needed to clear her mind, focus, and let go of everything else. Resolutely, she turned her attention back to the rock and immediately felt the tension dissipate as the problem solving took hold of her mind. A puzzle to solve. A challenge.
Her shoes felt stiff and tight as she pulled them on. She warmed up her body by doing some shoulder pushups, a few leg swings and stretches. She tried wiggling her toes in her shoes and slowly she felt the leather start to warm and mold to her feet. After a little while she took her shoes halfway off, leaving her toes inside to keep them warm.
She concentrated on the boulder one more time, mentally climbing the problem first from start to finish, visualizing herself doing the moves successfully. After she had successfully topped out the climb in her mind she pulled the shoes back on completely, and sure enough they felt perfect.
The first contact with the crimps felt a little cold but the solid rock felt amazing to her hands. Teagan felt the rock lightly at first and then once she found the perfect place to crimp she pulled onto the rock, her feet resting on tiny footholds. She moved into a small under-cling with her right hand and then set herself up for the dynamic throw with a scrunched drop knee. She focused on the pinch, quickly calculating the amount of power she would have to give as she visualized herself sticking it.
She launched herself, letting out her breath and tightening her core, the wave of extension starting from her left toe and flowing through her body in one clean motion. The moment of contact with the hold was empowering. She absolutely loved the feeling that big moves gave her. She felt strong and in control of her body. Being in control was important to her.
The pinch was wide in her hand and the texture was rough. Her right foot cut as she hit the pinch—it would have been impossible to keep it on with her small size—but her left foot stayed on as she stretched to full extension and kept her core from collapsing from the strain. The hold to the right wasn’t the best for a hand, but it made a nice heel hook and she quickly took advantage, giving her right foot a home.