"I know. And you did her a lot of good by bringing her here after Nebraska. I know she appreciates that."
"She's coming along. The routine, the manual labor, the monotony, keeps her from ignoring her magic, from pushing it to the back of her mind like she did for all those years."
That explained the chores he usually had her doing. "Before we figured out she had magic, you mean?"
He nodded. "Before she can learn to use it consciously, she needs to learn to have it. To just be with it, even if it's uncomfortable. Even if it feels wrong and ill-fitting."
"It seems like she's making progress. She said it was different for her this time. I think she was right."
"Is it different," he asked, "or is it exactly the same? She accessed the book because she was uncomfortable. Because she wanted to reunite good and evil. But isn't that also exactly why she acted tonight?"
"The rule can't be that she can't use her magic if she's motivated to use her magic. That's completely illogical."
Gabriel made a doubt-expressing sound. "Do you remember when Chicago burned?"
"Quite well," I said. "I helped put out the fire. I'm not defending her actions. You let her use magic with the Tates. You know she can help. We can't let her waste all that potential. What kind of life is that?"
Gabriel's expression softened. "It's a life where she doesn't destroy anyone else, including herself. She knew, even while she was crossing the boundaries between good and evil, that what she was doing was wrong. She knew the same thing tonight - that she shouldn't have used her magic to threaten a human you could have easily handled."
"Then when can she use it on her own terms?"
"I don't know. She has to be able to control herself before she can control the magic. That's her journey, and it's not gonna be a quick one. When she can use her magic and be at peace with it, she'll be getting somewhere."
I nodded and pushed around some chunks of unidentifiable vegetable - cauliflower, maybe? - with my spoon, my appetite gone again. Maybe Berna was right; magical stress didn't do much for the appetite.
What food couldn't fix, a certain boy could. I was ready to go back to the House, to go home to the familiar. I put down my spoon and pushed back the bowl. "I should probably get back. Can you tell Mallory I said good-bye? And thank Berna for the grub?"
"I can."
I stood up, but paused before heading to the door. "I'm not entirely sure why you took her on. Or me, I guess, since I come with her. For whatever reason you're doing it, in case she doesn't say it, thank you."
"You're welcome, Merit."
I walked to the door, catching a glance of the parking spots outside. My Volvo, beaten and weathered . . . was gone. Had the missing window given a thief easy access? Or had a rioter followed me here and stolen her as a final punishment?
I looked back at Gabriel. "My car's gone."
He rose and walked toward me. "Yeah. I'm having someone look at it. See if it's worth fixing."
My Volvo was undeniably "worth" fixing, since it was my primary mode of transportation. Still . . . "You're having someone look at it? Who?"
He smiled slyly. "I've got a guy."
Okay, so he had a guy, and his guy was looking at my car. What was the appropriate response here? Shape-shifter car repair etiquette was definitely not covered in the Canon, the code of vampiric law.
"Your katana's on the table there," he said, gesturing to a booth by the door. I walked over and picked it up, wrapping the loose belt around the crimson scabbard.
"Thank you, I guess," I said. But I still had to get back to Cadogan House. "Isn't there an El stop on Damen? I think I can get to the Loop, then catch a bus to get back to Hyde Park?" I couldn't remember the last time I'd actually ridden the El or worried about bus schedules. I was woefully out of touch.
"No need," Gabe said. "I've got a loaner."
"A loaner? Should I give you some money?" I asked, but Gabriel shook his head.
"It's on the house, Kitten. I'm doing a favor for myself, really."
My eyes narrowed suspiciously. "How so?"
"I'll get to hear about Ethan's reaction when he sees you in that."