become afraid to give, and afraid to share myself.
‘What am I going to do, Merryl?’ she cried. ‘I’ve failed at everything I’ve done, and now I’ve got nothing left.’
‘But you found me and saved me,’ he said gently. ‘I’ll always love you, and even when we’re apart we’ll always have each other.’
She didn’t answer straight away, just plodded on, head down, watching the dust rise with every step.
‘Thank you,’ she said. ‘Sometimes I become so obsessed by what I’ve lost, and how I’ve failed, that I can’t see what I’ve gained. What are you going to do now?’
‘I’m going home to Tiksi, to find Marnie.’
‘After what she did to you?’ Tiaan said, a little sharply, before she remembered that she was talking to her father. ‘Sorry.’
‘In my years as a slave I learned to forgive all sorts of things. It was the one part of my life I had control over. I’ve even forgiven the lyrinx who enslaved me and ate my hand, and I’m all the better for it. Hate is corrosive, Tiaan. It’s far better to forgive, once you can, and get on with life and living.’
‘I’ve always found it hard to forgive my enemies,’ said Tiaan. ‘But surely you can’t believe that you and Marnie could ever live together? She’s my mother and I love her, but she’s the most thoughtless, vain and selfish woman who ever lived.’
‘I don’t expect it to go well,’ he said mildly. ‘I learned long ago that expecting things out of life is the road to misery. But I can still hope for it.’
‘Why would you want to?’
‘She was my first and only love and, after I got over my fury, the thought of her sustained me through all the years of slavery. As well as the thought of you, Tiaan – the beautiful child we made together.’ He kicked a pebble off the path, watching thoughtfully as it rustled through the dry grass. ‘And then, look at Marnie’s children – all living, healthy, clever and hardworking, so there must be more to her than you think. And maybe, just maybe, after the hard times she’s endured since the breeding factory was destroyed, she’s changed.’
‘Maybe,’ Tiaan said dubiously. ‘But I think you’ll have rather a lot of forgiving to do.’
‘I’m prepared to forgive her every day of my life. So, shall we go looking for Marnie?’
‘Yes,’ said Tiaan. ‘Let’s put the past behind us.’ Her eyes were shining. She lifted her chin and looked east and south, to where Tiksi lay beyond sea and plains and mountains. It would be a long and perilous journey but every step would be a step closer to home. ‘A new start.’
‘For all of us,’ he said, taking her hand. ‘And for you most of all, my precious daughter.’
EIGHTY-ONE
Nish was tied up by two burly guards and thrust to the ground beside Flydd and Yggur. He watched the thapter hurtling away from Ashmode, and Jal-Nish working the tears to try to bring it back. The song of the tears rose to a shriek but after a struggle of some minutes the thapter broke free. ‘That’s not going to put Father in a better frame of mind,’ he said to himself.
‘Masterly understatement, as usual,’ said Irisis behind him.
Nish’s heart froze solid. The troops had her as well. As he turned, they forced Irisis to her knees then stepped back with the other guards, hands on their sword hilts. No soldier of Jal-Nish would dare to fail in watchfulness.
‘What are you doing here?’ he cried. ‘I thought you were gone; safe.’
‘More fool you,’ she said blithely, ‘if you thought I was going to abandon my best friend in all the world.’
Nish tore at his hair. ‘Father will kill you. He’ll rend you limb from limb.’
‘I don’t abandon my friends,’ said Irisis. ‘Ever. Besides,’ she said in a low voice, ‘Tiaan has a plan and I’ve got every confidence in her.’
Nish had felt the same way until he saw Irisis. Now he knew that Tiaan’s plan, whatever it was, couldn’t work. A numb terror spread through him. This was the end. He was going to lose her. She’d always said she wouldn’t live to old age and he’d always scoffed. Why hadn’t he protected her?
‘I hope it works. I’m afraid, Nish.’ Suddenly she wasn’t bold, reckless Irisis any more, the stalwart who had survived a thousand crises barely ruffled. She was just a frightened young woman whom he loved with all his heart, and that made it so very