not see the tears that threatened to spill from her eyes.
"That doesn't matter to me now, and it's too late anyway," he said. "Ye could be carrying my child already."
"I'm not." At least, there was no sign of it yet. "I'm a healer. I would know."
"But I want to have children with you," Connor said.
She closed her eyes against the answering surge of longing in her heart. How she would love to have Connor's children, to have a son with his fine looks and stalwart heart. But that was not to be.
"While we were at the gathering, I had an offer of marriage," Ilysa said. "I plan to take it."
Connor straightened and stared at her. She tried not to be insulted or hurt that he was so shocked, but she was.
* * *
Connor felt as if he had been kicked in the stomach.
"Ye didn't mention it before," he said through his teeth. "Who is he?"
"I know ye thought no chieftain would want to wed me because I'm not important enough," she began.
"I never said ye were not important - you're everything to me," Connor said, wondering if she were deliberately misunderstanding him. "I only meant that ye don't bring a clan's power and warriors to a marriage."
"Regardless of all I lack," Ilysa said, "the MacNeil chieftain said he wants to wed me."
"Glynis's father?" Connor said. "Ye can't want to marry him. Why, he's an old man."
"He's not old," she said. "He's a fine man, and I like him."
"He has all those children, that's why he asked ye," Connor said, raising his arms. "He wants a wife to mother his children."
Ilysa turned and fixed her direct gaze on him. "Is that the only reason ye believe a man would want me for his wife?"
"Of course not, but he doesn't love ye as I do." He tried pulling her into his arms, but she pushed him away.
"Mothering his children appeals to me," she said. "I like children. Perhaps we'll be blessed with more. I know that would please him as well as me."
The thought of Ilysa having any man's child but his made Connor feel physically ill.
"I want a family. I want to be mistress of my own home. I want a man I can call husband, who will take a vow to be faithful and keep it," she said, relentlessly ticking off the things he could not give her. "I believe marriage to Gilleonan MacNeil will provide me with all that."
"But will ye love him?" Connor asked, hating the desperation in his voice.
"I will feel useful and valued." She wrapped her plaid around her shoulders and tied the corners together with a snap. "I will be content."
"It sounds as though you've given this a great deal of thought." Just how long had she been planning to leave him?
"I have," she said.
"Who else did ye consider in all this thinking ye did? Lachlan of Lealt perhaps?" Connor asked. "Ye seem to have developed a true fondness for him."
"Lachlan?" Her face showed surprise, and he wondered if she was feigning it. "I'd never wed a MacDonald now, especially one who would keep me here on Trotternish. I'm going where I won't ever see ye again."
Never see him again? Could she mean it? His anger drained out of him, leaving only emptiness in its place.
"I'll tell the MacNeil when he comes here to join the battle against the MacLeods." She busied herself adjusting the plaid over her nightshift and avoided looking at him as she spoke.
"If you'll be happy with him, then I shall be content as well." Connor made himself say it, though it was a lie. "But there's no need for ye to make a hasty decision."
"If the MacNeil still wants me, I'll leave with him as soon as the battle's done."
That gave Connor almost no time to persuade her to change her mind.
"Remember, ye promised not to wed before Beltane," Ilysa said. "Ye owe me that."
"Does it matter now?" he asked.
She finally looked at him, and in her eyes he saw the deep sorrow that she had tried to hide behind her brusque manner.
"Aye," she said softly, "it still matters."
Chapter 34
No one leaves the castle without my permission," Connor reminded everyone before they settled down to their meal.
He had first issued the order the moment Jane set foot in the castle. If word of her grandfather's imminent arrival with three hundred warriors reached the MacLeods, they would attack at once while the odds were still in their favor.