once, Connor had looked at her and found her attractive. Yet no sooner was her wish granted than she realized it was not enough. She wanted more than a flash of desire in his eyes, more than a longing gaze.
She wanted him.
It made no difference that it was hopeless. He was the only one she wanted.
"I'd like ye to come back to Trotternish Castle," he said.
Ilysa closed her eyes for a brief moment and told herself not to cry. Connor wants me back.
"Does this mean you're not angry with me anymore?" she asked.
"I am not as angry as I was," he said, "but we must have a firm understanding that ye will not interfere in my decisions. Ye must respect me as chieftain."
"I do."
He narrowed his eyes at her. "If ye disobey me again, I will punish ye severely."
Ilysa kept quiet, rather than tell him she would disobey him only if she truly must.
"In truth, I haven't given you the respect ye deserved," Connor said. "I had no idea all that ye do to keep my household in order. Nothing is as it should be without you."
That warmed her heart. She smiled and said, "I'll be happy to return."
"The saints be praised," he said under his breath, and he took her hand. "I promise I won't impose on ye for long. It will only be until my bride arrives."
Disappointment crashed down on her like a great weight, and she had to swallow twice before she could get the words out. "Your bride?"
"I don't have it arranged quite yet," he said. "But I will wed soon."
* * *
Connor needed to get his marriage arranged quickly, and not just because he needed the alliance. He had been so long without a woman that he was losing his mind. Had he really been about to kiss Ilysa?
Aye, definitely.
What was his excuse for bringing her this far away from the castle? He had wanted to speak with her privately, but it had not been necessary to be quite this alone with her. He reminded himself that this was Ilysa, whom he had known as a babe and a wee girl. He should not have these urges toward her.
But urges he had. With darkness falling around them, he was finding it easier by the moment to imagine laying her down on the sand and having his wicked way with her - over and over. Ach, this was wrong.
"Let's head back," he said and started walking.
"Who have ye decided upon for a bride?" Ilysa asked.
"I'm considering John MacIain's granddaughter," he said. "She is the child of his eldest son, who died in battle while her mother was pregnant with her."
"Mmm," Ilysa murmured, and he noticed a slight tightening around her mouth.
"Why do ye disapprove?" Connor found that Ilysa's opinion of his future wife did matter to him. And she had seen through Deirdre.
"Let's hope the apple has fallen far from the tree," she said.
"Ye shouldn't judge her nature by her grandfather's," he said.
"And ye know her nature?"
"I haven't met her yet," he said.
"Hmmm." She was silent a moment, then she asked, "What are ye looking for in a wife, besides a clan alliance?"
"A quiet, respectful lass, who is loyal and doesn't interfere with my work," he said. "She should make my guests welcome and be a good mother." He wouldn't complain if she were pretty as well.
"Do you not hope for love?" Ilysa asked in a soft voice.
"Hell, no." Connor frowned. It was not like Ilysa to speak nonsense, which was one of the things he liked about her. She was a sensible, practical lass who could be counted on to do her duties and take pride in doing them well.
"Who are the others you're considering?" Ilysa asked.
They discussed each of them in turn, and Ilysa found some fault with every possible alliance.
"I can't help but think...," Ilysa said and turned her head to look off toward the dark sea.
"What?"
"Ye told me never to question your judgment as chieftain," she said, still looking away from him.
"I asked for your opinion," he said. "That's different."
She turned and met his gaze. "Should ye risk tying yourself to either a wife or a clan ye can't be sure ye can trust?"
"I can't trust any of them," Connor said and gave a dry laugh. "I'll never get a wife if I listen to you."
"You're asking them to fight for Trotternish, but what will they want in return?" she asked. "Ye don't know the cost."