CHERUB: The Fall - Robert Muchamore Page 0,45

was paying. And you should have seen Kerry and Bethany in the beauty shop afterwards. They spent a fortune.’

‘On what?’

‘I dunno, it all just looked like expensive pots of smelly gunge to me. We got you a little present, ’cos you missed out. It’s like a gift set of all these different oils and this wooden ball thingy for massaging your back. Oh and don’t worry, I checked before we paid and they said it didn’t contain any animal products or stuff that was tested on animals.’

‘Thanks, James,’ Lauren said. ‘By the way, I’ve got some great photos from last night on my phone. There’s a superb shot of that old colonel waving his walking stick when we mooned him off the balcony.’

*

James had a 7 a.m. combat training session on Monday mornings, so he was knackered when he reached the dining-room at quarter past eight. Meryl cornered him as he headed towards Kerry and Kyle at their usual table.

‘Nice healthy start.’ Meryl stared pointedly at James’ tray, which was stacked with bacon, eggs, beans, fried bread and hash brown.

‘Don’t you start on that,’ James moaned. ‘You know Zara’s made them turn the Coke machine off until lunchtime now?’

Meryl shook her head. ‘You drank Coke with breakfast?’

‘Not every day … And I only ever drank diet ’cos the normal kind makes me fat.’

‘Anyway,’ Meryl said, looking mildly horrified. ‘I’ve noticed that you’re only studying for five GCSEs and a Further Maths A-level at the moment. Your schedule looks very light, so we’re going to have to make some adjustments.’

James tutted. ‘But I’ve already got Maths and Russian A-levels, miss. My Spanish is good enough to pass an A-level already, and I’m so good at maths that I’ll ace Further Maths and Physics when I get around to taking them. Five A-levels will get me into whatever university I want.’

‘James, I’m fully aware that CHERUB language training and your exceptional ability in mathematics means that you’ll have no problems getting into university. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to allow you to spend the next three years coasting. All cherubs are bright and we expect you to push yourselves. Kerry should be able to get three easy language A-levels when she takes them next summer, but she’s still studying for nine GCSEs and she’s almost a year younger than you.’

‘Yeah, but …’ James stammered. ‘I mean, Kerry’s a good all-rounder. I’m rubbish at anything where you need to do loads of reading and writing. She can write an essay in half the time it takes me.’

‘Well, if you don’t want any more academic work, there is one other option.’

James perked up. ‘Is there?’

‘Our head training instructor, Mr Pike, is always on the lookout for kids who are willing to help prepare some of the red-shirts for basic training. Especially at the moment, what with Mr Large recovering from a heart bypass and Miss Smoke on maternity leave.’

‘Oh,’ James said, clearly not keen on Meryl’s suggestion.

Cherubs were often asked to help out with training younger kids, but training instructors were some of the least popular staff on campus and helping them out didn’t win you many friends. Plus, training instructors often worked as hard as or even harder than the trainees themselves.

Meryl smiled. ‘If you don’t want to help Mr Pike with training, James, I’ll have to enrol you on a couple of extra academic courses. I hear that Mr Reddit is starting a new Latin for Beginners and there are GCSE courses in sociology and economics that started a few weeks back. Once you’ve caught up on the backlog, you’ll probably find them quite enjoyable.’

‘No,’ James gasped. ‘Come off it, Meryl, you know I’ll hate every minute. And Latin? I mean, what the hell use is that unless you want to grow up and become a Latin teacher?’

‘How about helping Mr Pike then?’

James looked sullenly at his tray of breakfast. ‘I suppose it’s the lesser of two evils.’

‘Great,’ Meryl smiled. ‘You’ve got an appointment to see Mr Pike after lessons this afternoon.’

‘But…’ James spluttered. His heart sank as he realised that Meryl had stitched him up.

‘I didn’t think you’d go for the Sociology and Latin,’ Meryl smiled. ‘Now you’d better go eat your plate of grease before it gets any colder.’

*

Lauren would have to attend a Brighton secondary school, but it was going to take a few days to sort out a place and that didn’t exactly break her heart. When all the other kids in her unit had eaten breakfast