cheese, a feeling of completion had overcome him. Images of them making love beneath the countess’s canopied bed, sharing a steaming tub of water, and idling away hours on the balcony while admiring a moonless night drenched his mind.
He had wanted to make love to her so badly last night, but could not break free of the secrets he was sworn to keep. Caution had been his bedmate for many years. So far, discretion had never let him down.
Even so, he had nearly given in to her plea for information. Had nearly unloaded everything he knew of her husband. How brave he’d been. How he’d saved so many lives. How devastating Ashcroft’s death had been for him. But all those confessions would lead her to the Nexus, exposing his agents to unforeseen perils. Something he would never do while chief, and never allow her to do.
He prayed she had not become involved in his war with Latymer. In her single-minded attempt to seek justice for her husband’s murder, she might inadvertently have stepped inside Latymer’s web. He’d learned long ago that what lies within one’s heart is often hidden behind the best defenses. But, as he told Danforth, he would rule nothing out. For all he knew, Latymer could have sent her to him in London. A fraud from day one.
His lungs released a shuddering breath, and the distinctive urge for oblivion returned. He toyed with his drink, his mouth watering. Then he made himself recall his vulnerable state last night and pushed it away. He would not endanger those beneath his charge for a few hours of numbness. He eased up from his chair, stretching his back and testing his injured leg.
With more hobble than stride, he made his way over to the bank of high-ceiling windows and peeled back one of the drapes. He was grateful to see the onset of evening approaching. Swirling hues of pink, orange, and yellow rode low on the horizon, bringing an otherwise dismal day to a gracious end.
He wondered how Catherine’s meetings with the craftsmen had gone and if she had stopped by the McCarthys’ to offer whatever solace she could. Regret weighed heavily on his mind. He should have been with her. Neither task was hers to bear alone.
Then a more insidious thought crept inside his mind. Had she helped him with estate matters for some reason he had yet to understand? No, she had been dealing with his tenants long before Reeves’s request. Sebastian rubbed his aching head.
A low knock sounded at the bedchamber door and then an exchange of words ensued. Seconds later, his valet appeared in the sitting room doorway. “My lord,” Parker said in a near whisper. “Mrs. Ashcroft is here to see you.”
The mere mention of Catherine’s name made his body tense with anticipation. She came. Sebastian slowly turned toward his valet, his heart hammering inside his chest. “Show her in.”
Parker eyed Sebastian’s attire. “Sir, perhaps you’d like to adorn yourself of a neckcloth and trousers first? Stockings, too?”
“No need to whisper around me any longer, Parker,” Sebastian said. “The pain is down to a tolerable ache.”
“Very well, my lord.” He hesitated. “And the other?”
For his valet’s sake, Sebastian tightened the sash holding his banyan closed and made sure all his manly parts were discreetly covered. “This will do.”
Parker nodded and disappeared. The next several minutes seemed an eternity while he waited for his staff to escort Catherine above stairs. Why had she chosen this moment to check on him? Why not hours ago when her cool palm could have soothed his splitting head?
Sebastian stretched his neck first one way, then the other, and rolled his shoulders. The exercise relieved some of his tension but failed to calm his heart. Then he heard the light tread of feminine feet coming down the corridor.
Seconds ticked by, each holding a decade’s worth of time. He longed to see her, yearned to feel her body pressed to his. Through the haze of his need, he recalled his promise to Danforth. “I will keep my wits about me.”
Notwithstanding his imminent departure back to London, he had to maintain a level of emotional distance until he either absolved her of any involvement with Latymer or confirmed a connection. Yearning and longing had no place in their dalliance.
The door closed in the other chamber, and Sebastian’s chest rose high on a deep inhalation. His jaw ached from the pressure of his clenched teeth. And then he noticed the first hint of a