at me, his eyebrows slightly raised in subtle perplexity. He never answered, like it was a stupid question. Then he returned to eating, dismissing my question like I hadn’t asked it.
“Then why me?”
He kept his eyes down on his food. “Does it matter?”
“You saved my life. It does matter.”
He finished the bowl until it was empty. He set it aside, farther away on the rug. Then he lifted his knees and rested his elbows on top, his gaze on the fire. His eyes were the same color as the firewood, the pieces that didn’t burn with red embers. “You deserved better.”
“Why didn’t the others deserve better?”
He shrugged. “Because they don’t act like it. They accepted their fate. From the first day you arrived there, you never did. You were always out of place. You were always the prisoner we talked about. Once you told me how you got there, it made me realize you weren’t supposed to be there in the first place.” His eyes stayed on the flames, as if he were reliving every single moment in his mind.
“The other women don’t deserve to be there either. They keep their heads down because they’re smart. It’s not because they’re weak,” I thought of Bethany, who plotted with the girls to get me food. “They’re brave in ways the guards don’t notice. My life isn’t more valuable than theirs. Every single person there deserves to live their life freely.”
He turned his head to regard me. “Let’s get something straight. There’s nothing you can say to make me feel sympathetic to the rest of the women in that camp. Even if they were liberated, a new batch would arrive to replace them. That camp has been there for ten years, and it’ll be around for decades to come. I’m a hero in your story, but I’m still the villain in theirs.” He turned back to the fire, his eyes shifting slightly as he watched the flames dance, following their movements until they popped. But he didn’t flinch at the sound. “Be grateful that I helped you. But don’t expect more from me.”
I was disappointed because I did expect more from him. There was still a soul deep inside that hard chest, humanity the other guards didn’t possess. He had potential—even if he didn’t see it. “You aren’t like the others.”
“Doesn’t mean I’m like you.”
I stared at the side of his head, his handsome face illuminated by the brilliance of the fire. His beautiful complexion looked angelic in the light. “You can pretend not to have a heart, but I know you have one…a big one.”
He turned back to me, his eyes cold despite the warmth hitting him in the face. “You don’t know me.”
“I disagree.” I knew him in a way no one else did. His heroic actions were done in secret, so they weren’t for show. He’d freed me at great cost. He’d stuck his neck for me, stuck it into the noose of the Red Snow. “What is your purpose there? Everyone has a place—except you.”
He turned away and didn’t answer.
“Why won’t you tell me?”
“Because I don’t owe you anything. You’re the one indebted to me. So, I suggest you thank me for what I’ve done instead of interrogate me—”
“I’m just trying to get to know you—”
“Why?” He looked at me again. “After I drop you off, you’ll never see me again.”
I expected us to part ways without obligation to each other. But I still expected more from him. “I’m going to go to the police when I get home… You know that, right?”
He stared at the fire.
“So, if you get out now, you’ll save yourself. I’m trying to help you.”
“Yes, I know exactly what you’ll do. Go ahead.”
Was I missing something here? “Why does that not scare you?”
“Because you have no idea how the world really works.” He clenched his jaw slightly, like this conversation annoyed him the longer it continued. “I suggest you go home and live your life. Be grateful every single day that you survived something no one else ever has. Honor those you left behind by living life to the fullest. That’s my advice. Go to the police if you want—but it won’t make a difference.”
“If you think I’m not going to try to free those women, then you don’t know me very well.”
“Then try. If it’ll clear your conscience and help you sleep at night, then do it.”
Even as a free woman, I was starting to feel powerless. Magnus was getting me to