you guys some snacks. I’ll be back.” My voice betrays me, revealing just how nervous I am, and I practically run off.
“Okay, Mommy,” Luna says, cheerily oblivious. Once in the kitchen, I rub the crystal more fiercely, cursing myself for not keeping it together.
Theo is handsome. And sweet. But I wasn’t interested. I considered dating him, but it was hard. I’d just opened Moonchild, and I didn’t have a ton of free time on my hands, and the time I did have, I spent with Luna. We shared one kiss that woke up something inside me that had been dormant for years, but other than that, there was no spark or butterflies. What I felt with him was nothing like what I felt with Endymion, and that was the problem. It would’ve been unfair of me to go on a date with him, knowing deep down, he’d never measure up to the man I’d loved my entire life.
I was beginning to think no one would measure up. Endymion was a force all on his own.
Gathering some snacks for them, I set everything on a tray and start walking it back into the living room but pause as I listen in on their conversation, still hidden by the wall. Luna is telling Endymion a story about last Christmas, and I can hear his deep chuckle, his prying questions. A small smile turns up the corners of my mouth. I hang back a bit and listen a little longer, not wanting to ruin their moment.
“So, you like sunflowers?” his deep voice asks, referring to her outfit of choice.
“I do! It’s my favorite flower. Do you like sunflowers?”
Endymion pauses. “I do now.”
My heart squeezes. I slam my eyes shut, gripping the tray of snacks for dear life.
Once there’s a lull in the conversation, I drop the snacks on the table and make excuses, saying I need to wash clothes really quick and clean up the bedroom. When I glance at Endymion, there’s a knowing gleam in his eyes. He knows exactly what I’m doing, but obviously, he doesn’t say anything.
I retreat to the bedroom down the hall and rest on the bed. Flopping back on the sheets, I stare up at the ceiling. A deep sigh expels from my chest as I think about what the future could possibly hold for all of us.
It’s selfish of me to feel this way—I mean, hell, I’ve had six years of interrupted time with my daughter, and Endymion has had none, but I still can’t help but worry about the holidays. The times I’ll have to share her. The nights I’ll have to fall asleep without her. The thought alone is crippling. It squeezes my chest in an unrelenting fist and makes it hard to breathe.
A single tear leaks out of the corner of my eye, rolling down my temple and disappearing into my hair. I hate this feeling. I can definitely see why my parents stayed together all those years, to avoid this, the sharing. Having to go any amount of time without seeing your child is devastating.
I’m running through all the bad scenarios in my head and pause at the sound of light rapping at the door. Hastily, I wipe my face and sniff back the pressure in my nose, thinking it’s Luna. I don’t want her to see me cry. Getting to know her father should be a happy moment, not filled with my worries and my tears.
Imagine my surprise when my dad pops his head inside. He looks tired, with dark bags under his eyes and worry written all over his face. Some days he seems better than others, but today isn’t one of those days. Part of me thinks it has to do with the news I dropped about Endymion and me. I knew the stress would be too much for him.
Guilt is a heavy boulder resting on my shoulders. Not only am I a horrible human being for keeping a man away from his daughter, but I’ve lost precious time with my father, all because I couldn’t put my pride aside and pick up the goddamn phone.
Heaving a tired sigh, I push upright and rest my back against the headboard of my old bedroom, watching him as he steps into the room and perches on the edge of the mattress.
“How’re you doing, kiddo?”
I shrug noncommittally. “I’m managing. Trying to give them their space, even if it is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.”