I try to picture myself here in this setting, but I can’t. I never thought this is where I would end up—back here in this town, working at Rita’s, of all places. Back in college, I got a job at a local bookstore, which is worlds different than this.
Maybe the universe is still laughing at me after all.
Later, after I get Luna ready for bed, I cuddle next to her in my old bed. This is the room we’ve been staying in until the expansion is finished. The stack of books by my feet is growing heavier and heavier with each one I finish. I think this is the seventh one we’ve gone through tonight, and still, my girl doesn’t seem the least bit tired.
“All right, baby girl. It’s time for bed now. No more books.”
Luna groans. “Ugh. Fine.” She turns into me, snuggling into my stomach. I run my fingers through her soft waves, brushing the hair behind her ear.
“Do you have to go back to work, Mommy?”
My chest tightens. “I do. I’m sorry, baby. But hey, at least you’ll get to spend a ton of more time with Papa.”
That seems to perk her up. “Can we get ice cream and go to the park?”
“Of course you can.”
“And what about End?”
I pause. “What about Endymion?”
“Well, can I hang out with Papa and End?”
I trap my bottom lip between my teeth and chew on it anxiously as I contemplate what to say. “I don’t know, baby. He works, and he’s probably really busy.”
“Oh, c’mon, Mommy. Please.”
“We’ll see.”
There’s a long beat, and I think she’s starting to fall asleep.
“You really like him, don’t you?”
“Mhmm,” she hums, on the cusp of sleep, and it only makes me hate myself even more.
When Julia said her sister Beth-Ann was using her house to host a dildo party, she wasn’t kidding. The second I walk through the door, a dick quite literally slaps me in the face. From the ceiling, pink rubber dildos hang around a string, all in various lengths and…girths.
I catch Julia’s gaze from across the room, and a laugh bursts from my chest at the expression on her face. If my friend is already overwhelmed by the obscene amount of dicks in here tonight, I’m sure I will be, too.
When I bypass the table in the hall with flavored condoms and dick lollipops, I’m hit with a sweltering wave of wariness. There are phalluses everywhere. Idly, I wonder if I turn back now, maybe no one will notice. Except for Julia, of course. She’d definitely have my ass if I try to leave. Summoning the courage to step into Julia’s living room that sounds like it’s filled with women, I slam my eyes shut and inhale a deep breath.
It’s just a room full of women from my past—no big deal.
The second I cross over the threshold, it definitely turns into a big deal. Conversations dwindle, then the whispers start as if I’m not even there. I can feel gazes from my past drilling holes into me. Heat prickles my skin, settling in my cheeks, uncomfortably so. My steps falter when I spot Holly Matthews sitting next to her best friend, Reina Holloway. Reina rakes her gaze down my body, from head to toe. She leans into Holly and whispers, but it’s still loud enough that I can hear it.
“She had a baby, and the father left them. It’s just so sad.”
A tight cinch squeezes my chest, and I hurry across the room, settling next to Julia. I can feel everyone’s curious eyes on me, and for reasons I can’t even explain, I’m embarrassed and ashamed. How many of them are looking at me like I’m a failure? How many of them are feeling sorry for me because my daughter’s father isn’t a part of our lives?
I’m sure all they see is the quiet and awkward Selene, who is now all grown up and still can’t keep a man. She couldn’t capture End’s attention, and she couldn’t even keep her baby daddy’s attention. I can practically hear their thoughts blending together as one. They’re a riot in my head, pounding against my skull, hammering into my fractured soul.
Little do they know, it’s my own fault my daughter’s father isn’t a part of her life. It isn’t because I can’t keep a man; it’s just because I’m an idiot. I’m a horrible person.
“Ignore them. They’re too bored with their own lives to mind their own damn business.” Julia bends near my ear, whispering the