kick your ass to the curb, but I don’t want to get fined for littering. Second, if you pull that crap again, I’d sleep with one eye open. I’m skilled with markers, a razor, and super glue.”
I hang my head, waiting for the tirade to pick up in pace and nastiness. When all I get is crickets, I peek up with one eye. “That’s it?”
If looks could kill…
“No, jackass, that’s not it. But time is of the essence, and my other insults are too long. Here’s the deal. I think I know why you took off, but Nina needs you more than you need to pretend you don’t love her. It’s hard for everyone to risk their hearts. You’re not special. But it’s the difference between good and great, average and awesome. Nina’s your awesome. She’s upset about her mom, but she’s equally upset over losing you. God knows why, but it is what it is…and I can’t cure cancer. So remove your tampon and find your spine. She’s resting in the room you guys had. Don’t make me regret texting you.”
The silence stretches until I’m sure she’s done, then I grab her shoulders and kiss her cheek. “Thanks. I owe you one.” She scrunches her face as I push past her.
I need to get to my girl and beg for forgiveness. I can’t waste another second trying to hide from the truth. For selfish reasons, I hurt Nina. Self-preservation seemed more important than living life to the fullest, and she got caught in the crossfire.
This ends now.
I don’t knock on the door. I push it open and step inside, closing it quietly behind me. She’s curled up on the covers, balled-up Kleenex in a pile by her hand. She seems to be sleeping. My side of the bed is neatly tucked; my drawers still open and empty from when I packed. I’m a total dick.
Sensing me, she stirs and blinks her eyes open. “Sam?”
I nod, too afraid to speak.
“What…? Why…?” She pushes up onto her knees, loose strands of red hair falling in her face.
I step forward, but stop myself from joining her on the bed and crushing her to my chest. “Leigh texted me about your mom. I’m sick about it. Can’t imagine what your family’s going through. What you’re going through. And I want you to know I’m here and that…” Glancing down, I rub my foot back and forth along the carpet. Man up, asshole. I lock eyes with her. “I’m sorry. So sorry. About your mom and about us, too. I’m an idiot. I was scared. Not that it’s an excuse. But you, Nina, fucking you. It’s too intense sometimes, the way I feel. Losing you one day seemed a hell of lot more terrifying than walking away now. But I was wrong. I get it now. You’re worth a thousand heartbreaks. If you’ll let me, I’ll make it up to you. Anything you need. Just…please say you forgive me.”
Her eyes well up, but with her mom and everything, I can’t tell if they’re happy or sad tears. The longer she chews her lip and stares at me, the deeper I shove my hands into my pockets. Then she says, “How come she’s sick?” and she reaches for me.
My chest caves at the sorrow in her voice, but that’s all I need to hear to close the distance between us. I’m on the bed in seconds, needing to ease some of her pain. The instant I wrap my arms around her, she dissolves. I hold her closer. “I’m here, baby. It sucks. I know how bad it sucks. But I’m here.” She fists the back of my shirt, her shoulders shaking as she lets me absorb her sadness. I’ll shoulder it for her best I can.
* * *
I’ve barely slept over the past thirty-six hours. Nina is curled up beside me in bed, her swollen eyes finally shut, her breathing steady. Mine gets ragged. I’ve held it together for her, tried to be strong, but the weight of it all has me cracking. When my tears come, I suck back air to stop from shaking. I don’t want to wake her. Don’t want her to see me like this.
It still hasn’t sunk in. Breast cancer. Two horrific words that have turned our lives and plans upside down. Before I freaked and bailed on Nina, we had it all figured out with school and jobs and Florida. One second we’re good, then it implodes. Time is