ever felt. Undeniable. Pure. Thinking it, knowing it, makes me want to open up and let my guard down. He’s trusted me with everything and I have to do the same.
“I don’t have much experience,” I say, easing myself into the truth.
He’s looking at my breasts, the way they float on the surface, but he blinks and runs his hands up my thighs, stopping before he enters make-me-panic territory. “Are you a virgin, Nina?”
Here it comes. “I’m not sure.”
He quirks a half smile. “That’s like being kind of pregnant.”
I lean forward and punch his shoulder. “Don’t make fun, Sam. I don’t know, okay? It was awful. He was awful. It’s the reason I’m scared to death of being with you.”
That drains the humor from his face. “Hey.” Still clutching my thighs, he runs his thumbs back and forth, a steady motion that has me wishing I could be as brazen as Reese and take him right now. He leans closer. “I’m sorry. I just don’t understand and need you to explain it. The last thing I want is for you to be nervous or scared with me. In any way. Ever.” His thumbs stop suddenly. His jaw hardens, his breath stills. “Did someone hurt you? Did some fucker do something you didn’t want?”
I shake my head quickly and place my hand over his hammering heart. “No. It’s nothing like that. Actually, I think it was me who hurt him,” I say more quietly.
He glances heavenward on an inhale. “This might kill me, but…” He levels his thick-lashed gaze on me. “I need to know what happened. The idea of you being with another guy is right up there with having my chest hairs plucked out, but this is something we need to discuss.” With gritted teeth, he nods. “Let’s hear it, Canada.”
I slouch and trace watery circles over his heart. Time to let my freak flag fly. “We were naked.” I whisper the word, of course. “At a party. But in a private room—not like at the party. Anyway, there was no foreplay.” Forever whispering. “And he was rolling on his condom. I stiffened by the second, totally freaking out. The rest happened really fast.” Sam gnashes his teeth together but doesn’t stop me. He grunts for me to go on. “He pushed in hard, didn’t give me any warning…and I was pretty, you know…dry. It hurt, badly. I kind of jerked up, like in those reflex tests the doctors do, but instead of kicking my leg, my forehead cracked against his nose. Blood poured out. He flew off me, calling me a bitch and a freak and other horrible things. I think I broke his nose. So he was in me for like a second, but I’m not sure it counts, and I’m petrified I’m going to do something awful when we’re together.” I bite my lip and scrunch my face as I wait for his reaction.
“One,” he says, “let’s make that the official last time you ever talk to me about another guy being near you. Ever. Two, you could knee me in the balls, and I’d still want you. I’ll never call you names. I’ll always have your back. Three, there will be enough foreplay that when I do slide inside of you, slowly, you’ll be begging for more. And four, my vote is you’re still a virgin. That cherry is all mine.”
The thrumming of my heart is as potent as the steady pulse between my legs, the fear from moments ago fading to the background. Funny how I can be terrified one second and relieved the next. A confession and words of comfort are all that’s needed to ease my mind. Sam is my church.
A sudden need to prove how much I want him emboldens me. “Okay,” I say. “Virgin it is.” I wrap my legs around his waist, lift my hips, and slide forward, greedy to feel his length. I land spread open against his hard-on. He grunts and I whimper, his eyes going wide then falling heavy. But I’m not done yet. Go big or go home is what I’m thinking. “I’m always wet with you, Sam. Always ready.”
Suddenly, he thrusts up, a ragged groan ripping from his throat.
Long live sex-goddess me.
My breasts are pressed to his chest, his breaths coming faster, sharper, matching my own. When I rock forward, he says, “Fuck,” and digs his fingers into my hips, holding me in place. “This was a bad idea.” The veins in his neck