what I know about Cassian with what he’s telling me. It just doesn’t add up. He’s the biggest womanizer around school, constantly bragging about a different conquest every day.
“Yes and no.” He shakes his head and shrugs his shoulders simultaneously, staring at me helplessly. “At that time, yes. I was mainly attracted to guys. But then you came along, this tiny little girl with beautiful white hair and alluring amber eyes, and I found that I couldn’t look away. I didn’t even want to. You quickly monopolized my every thought. Not gonna lie…my first masturbation? It was to you.” He releases a haggard breath as he stops pacing, facing the far wall. “You have to understand, I was confused as fuck. I thought I liked dudes, and then there’s you, this fucking anomaly. I think a part of me resented you for that, for making me so fucking confused.” He spins towards me once more. “You want to know what really did me in? What was the final nail in my coffin?”
I shake my head wordlessly. Do I want to know? I timidly lick my upper lip before my head shake turns into a head nod.
“We never broke you,” he whispers. I immediately open my mouth to protest, but he shakes his head and continues before I can voice my mounting thoughts. “It’s the truth. We didn’t. Not completely.” A small grin twists up his lips as he scratches at his chin. He must’ve shaved recently, not an ounce of hair visible on his artfully handsome face. “You always got this stubborn glint in your eyes whenever we…whenever we bullied you.” Pure despair clouds his eyes. “I’m not going to pretend like we did anything else. We bullied you, Peony. Plain and simple. But when you stood up to us…it only made my feelings for you grow.”
I bite down on my lower lip, struggling with the plethora of emotions crashing through me. No, not through me. Into me. Is this what it feels like to be hit by a car? To topple over sideways as glass shatters around you?
Before I can even think to articulate one of the thousands of thoughts clamoring for attention, Cassian continues, voice grave. “When you left, it was like I’d been kicked in the balls. I never experienced such crippling pain before. I searched for you, you know. I even went to your house, but it had already been abandoned. And then I realized…I was in love with you. It was a demented, fucked up sort of love, but it was all I had to offer you. At least then.”
“Do you still…?” I don’t even know what I’m asking. I place my fist to my mouth and bite down on my knuckles, relishing the sting of pain from my teeth.
“Like guys?” He quirks a brow. “Yeah. Girls, too. I’ve been with both.” He takes a step forward until he’s in front of me before dropping to his knees. His large hands land gently on my thighs, squeezing once. “I’m not gonna lie. I’m attracted to both genders. But there’s only been one person I’ve ever had true, genuine feelings for, and that person is you.”
I can scarcely breathe. I’m pretty sure that my lungs fail me at this moment. Heaven only knows that my heart does. This proud, arresting man is on his knees for me. To confess his feelings for me.
And I have no idea how to respond.
Vulnerability emanates from his eyes as his hands tighten on my knees.
“You’re the only girl I ever truly had feelings for, baby. There are not enough words in the fucking dictionary to tell you how sorry I am.”
For the first time in forever, I’m not pissed or upset by the nickname “baby.” If anything, warm sparks ignite in my bloodstream as I stare into his expressive, chocolate eyes.
“All I need is one chance to prove myself to you,” he charges on. “One fucking chance. Maybe we won’t work. Maybe we’ll realize that we’re not compatible when we’re not actively trying to destroy each other.” His pouty lips twitch slightly, as if he finds our war amusing. “And maybe I’ll discover you put pineapple on pizza and then we’ll have to break up.”
“Fruit doesn’t go on pizza,” I counter, my brain struggling to process all of his words. “You don’t see raspberries or apples on pizzas, do you?”
He flashes his shiny white teeth at me in a smile. “Or maybe I’ll discover you think Carol Baskin is innocent.”