Charmed by the Billionaire (Blue Collar Billionaires #2) - Lemmon, Jessica Page 0,89
I gave you this, I told you that you were your own true north. And you are. You always will be. No matter what happens in the future.”
It’s harder to ignore my heart when she’s screaming at the top of her lungs, but I block her out and focus on Benji. Benji, who tattooed a compass onto his flank. I shake my head, unsure how to respond. He keeps talking and saves me from it.
“When you left my bed for the final time, and life was like it used to be, I didn’t have any direction anymore. I have felt lost every day since. I don’t ever want to feel that way again.” He touches the tender skin around the compass tattoo. “I had this done as a reminder of my true north. There is a capital C where the N should be. It’s for Cris. You’re my true north too.”
His smile isn’t the confident, disarming smile I’m used to seeing. It’s more hopeful, less sure, and a million times more genuine. Something has happened. I clutch hands with my heart and pray he gives us what we’ve longed for over the last year or two. Or hell, ten.
“Remember when you said I was never getting married and I agreed I wasn’t?” he asks.
A rocky start, but I nod anyway.
“Marriage has always been a far-off idea attached to some faceless, nameless person. The idea of it is absolutely fear-provoking.” He takes both my hands in his. “But when I picture marrying you, it’s way less scary.”
I don’t want him to make promises out of guilt or to make himself or both of us feel better for a little while. So I say, “You don’t have to—”
He interrupts me.
“Let me finish. I’m not saying you have to marry me. I’m not saying you have to marry anybody. What I’m saying is, I can’t…” He licks his lips. “I don’t want to let you go. And that’s something I’ve never said to anyone. Because everybody goes, Cris. My parents left, and they didn’t choose to. They left me alone, and I made myself sick over it. Did you know I had stomachaches every day for the first year I lived with the Owens?”
He never told me. Poor Benji. I hate picturing him as a sad kid—as a sad adult. Sad, period. His smile is my refuge.
“I have loving, kind adoptive parents who treat me like gold. Brothers who treat me…well, back then not like gold, but eventually they did when we grew up. And then when I was on TV on this show called Divide and Conquer. It was this huge math competition—”
“Divide and what?” I ask as a smile trembles on my lips.
“I know. Stupid.” He shakes his head, embarrassed. He’s so endearing, I fall in love with him a little more. “Anyway, before the show aired I thought I was going to die of a stomachache. I didn’t tell anyone, but I was scared to death I was going to lose. Not just the competition but everything that meant anything to me. I latched onto that group, onto my friends. I was terrified I was going to bomb the tournament and then they’d leave too.”
He moves his hands to my jaw and tips my head. I’m staring into his eyes. Those caramel-colored eyes. There’s definitely something in them I’ve never seen before. It looks like what’s in my heart. It looks like love.
“This last week I have been so sick,” he tells me. “Terrified. It took me way too long to realize why. What I’m terrified of losing, Cris, is you. I worry I blew my shot at having a future with you because I was too stuck in my own head to take a chance. So this is me taking it. The night in the hotel room, with the roses and donuts and the candles, I told you I was going to make sure you knew how the man in your future should treat you. But you’re not going to need that advice any longer. I am the man in your future, and in your past, and here, in the present. And I know exactly what you need.”
I swallow thickly, my mouth dry and my eyes wet.
“All you have to do is give me one more chance. You can’t pretend it’s enough for me to be your boss or your best friend or your client. I need you to be all in, Firecracker. I need you to give us